


Life isn’t fair for everyone

by LadySalvatore



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Cousin Incest, F/M, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Jon Snow is a Targaryen, Jon Snow knows nothing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-12-15 10:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 31,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11803836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySalvatore/pseuds/LadySalvatore
Summary: He knows he shouldn’t desire her. He knows she’s not his to keep. He knows he must stay away. But he also knows he doesn’t deserve her. Jon has lived his entire life under the shadow of his older brother but never resented it until he got the one thing Jon doesn’t even dare to wish.





	1. Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl

**Author's Note:**

> It seems like Jon and Sansa won't leave my head, specially with Daenerys and Jon thryst looming over us each weekend so I bring you something new that had been swirling around in my head for a while. Please forgive for any grammar mistakes, I am not a native english speaker.

“Once upon a time, there was a boy who lived in a house across the field, from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was queen and he was king. In the autumn light her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls, and when the sky grew dark, they parted with leaves in their hair.  
  
Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

**-Nicole Krauss-**

.

.

The celebration was in full swing, people laughed and chatted, they drank and danced and of few of them even sang. John for his part had spent the majority of the night staring with a clenched jaw as his brother sweet talked his cousin across the room; no matter how hard he tried or how ashamed he was for his feelings he couldn’t stop the boiling rage he felt at the sight of them together, more importantly because he knew his brother didn’t hold any loving feelings towards her, that was what he told himself every time to desire of gripping his neck rose to the surface.

“Quit with the staring or they might start noticing” The conceited voice of Tyrion Lannister spoke from next to him and Jon turned his head to stare into the eyes of the imp, the man was the only one Jon liked out of the whole Lannister family but he could be quiet annoying when he was in his cups, which he was most of the time.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Please Jon, you’re as transparent as it gets” The imp say at the time he raised a cup full of dornish wine to his lips “Besides I happen to understand the feeling too well”

Jon quirked an eye brown in direction of the other man “You do?”

“You do know who my brother is right?” Tyrion said as his eyes dance across the room until they landed on the mighty Ser Jamie Lannister, Kingsguard to Jon’s father “I happen to know what is like to grow under the shadow of someone else”

“I haven’t-“

“Oh please you can deny it all you want both we both know it’s true” The elder man shot Jon an annoying glance “He is the dragon prince, a true Targaryan with purple eyes and blonde hair and more importantly the first born son”

Jon looked down at his own cup of wine as he felt his cheeks filling with color; Rhaegar Targaryan had married Jon’s mother Lyanna after his first wife Ellia Martell had died, whispers that claimed the wolf maid had been involved with the Dragon King since before his wife’s death filled the halls and made the relationship between Jon and his older brother a little strained.

Younger than him for five years Jon never felt the affinity he felt was never fond of his brother in the way he was of his sister, he always felt that the older brother resented him and his mother for the place they had come to occupy on his father’s life and in court, for it was known that the King loved Lyanna Stark in a way he never loved his previous wife.

So a tacit rivalry had grown between them with the years, a rivalry Jon had never been able to fully acknowledge until the moment his dear cousin Sansa was betrothed to his brother.

“It doesn’t help that he is a pompous ass” Tyrion muttered as he dawned the rest of his cup and signaled one of the servants for more.

“No it doesn’t” Jon gritted as he watched Aegon stroke the cheek of a blushing Sansa.

Tyrion chuckled at the boy and ordered the servant to refill Jon’s cups as well “Life isn’t fair for everyone is it?”

 _No it isn’t_ Jon wanted to say but his body burned with so much rage that he wasn’t able to utter a word.

* * *

 

Jon walked the halls of the castle with his arm laced in his sister’s, he was always very close to her in a way he wasn’t with his brother maybe it had something to do with the fact that she didn’t see him as a threat the way Aegon did.

“I think he’s arranging a betrothal for me. Honestly it amazed me he has waited this long” Her sister spoke softly as she leaned her head to rest on her brother’s shoulder as they walked “With Loras Tyrell”

“Are you certain?” Jon asked as his brows rose almost all the way to his hairline.

Rhaenys chuckled “One would believe that he would know better than to marry me to someone who would enjoy the company of my brothers better”

“Shush sweet sister” Jon admonished her but the girl only laughed “Those are nothing but rumors”

“Please Jon, you can’t be that naïve”

They walked down the stairs and headed in direction of the gardens when Jon heard his sister sigh heavily “What troubles you Rhaenys?”

“I do not wish to marry the Tyrell boy”

“Is there someone you would wish to marry?” Jon asked with a frown.

His sister looked up at him as a blush started to appear on her cheeks “I do happen to enjoy the company of your cousin Robb. He would be a wonderful husband” Her eyes looked elsewhere as her hold on him tightened “But we know that won’t ever be possible”

Robb Stark, the gallant Lord of Winterfell was betrothed to marry Myrcella Baratheon when the girl was to reach ten and five, Jon always knew his sister admired his cousin but never imagined her emotions ran that deep.

“I am so sorry sweet sister” Jon said with true grief on his voice. He still didn’t have the chance of meeting his cousin future wife but if she was anything like her brother Jeoffrey then he was sure Robb would have been better with someone like Rhaenys.

“Life isn’t fair for everybody is it?”

 _No it isn’t_ he had wanted to reply when they saw their brother coming out of the stables, fixing his clothes as a maid followed behind him.

“Sometimes I wonder from whom he got his traits” Rhaenys muttered under her breath. Aegon didn’t have the kindness of the honesty that were such special qualities of both of their parents, because despite what everyone else whispered about she truly believed her father was never unfaithful to her mother during the time she was alive.

“What were you thinking?” Jon bit out the minute his brother got close to them.

“Pardon me?”

“Your betrothed is right here at this castle and you’re fooling around with the service” Jon’s nostrils flared and for a minute the dragon blood inside him outshined his wolf one.

“Chill out dear brother” Aegon dismissed Jon’s concerns with a wave of his hand “I wouldn’t be the first Targaryen committing adultery” His violet eyes shone with mischief and the only thing stopping Jon from taking down his brother were the hands of his sister pulling him back.

“Let him. He didn’t mean it” Rhaenys shot Aegon a hard look as she pulled Jon away from him.

“He doesn’t deserve her” Jon murmured under his breath once they were far enough that his brother wasn’t able to hear his words. Rhaenys looked at him with eyes full of sympathy and sadness.

_No, life wasn’t fair for everybody._

* * *

 

Later that same day after his sister had retired to attend the evening strolls she shared with their father Jon found himself smiling down at his cousin who was sitting in one of the benches located in the garden.

“Come sit with me Jon” She patted the spot next to her and he could do nothing but comply “I wanted to ask something”

“Of course” Jon said at the time he took a seat next to her cousin.

She was wearing a deep purple dress with long wide sleeves and a plucking neckline, it resembled the ones he had watched Lady Cersei wearing and the ones his cousin couldn’t wear in the north because of the cold. Her hair was different too, twisted braids delicately styled in a southron way. Sansa always looked beautiful but Jon preferred her when she looked like a true northern.

“Do you think your brother is fond of me?” The way her shy eyes averted his gaze made his chest constrict with pain, this sweet gentle girl did not deserved to be marry to a man like Aegon who would never care for her feelings.

“I am sure he is my lady” The lie was forced out of his lips.

“It’s just something it seems like it but then others… I am not sure of anything” Her eyes acquired a sadness he couldn’t stand so he stared at the green bushes and pretty flowers in front of them.

“Would it change anything to know how he feels?”

Sansa sighed as she shook her head “I guess not, I am to marry him in two moons time no matter how he feels”

“And how do you feel about him? Do you wish to marry him?” His eyes moved back towards her and the way her face lit up was like a shot to his heart.

“He’s everything I always dreamed Jon; he’s sweet to me and kind, he’s very handsome and sings beautifully. He’s the prince in all my stories and marrying him means I will be queen someday”

Jon remained in silence letting her words sink in and shattering the remains of his heart “Do you think I’m foolish right?” Sansa asked when it was obvious he wasn’t going to answer. “It’s what Arya always says”

Jon sighed “No, I don’t think you are” Without knowing how he found himself raising his hand and caressing her cheek “I think It’s good to have dreams”

Sansa shivered at the touch of his hands and the unfamiliar emotion glowing in his eyes “Thank you Jon” She couldn’t explain why but the fact that he didn’t mock her like her siblings often did meant a lot to her “Thank you”

They spent the rest of the evening together, sharing stories about the north and their direwolves, Rhaeger had been hesitant about keeping the albino beast his cousins gifted him with but Lyanna had convinced him saying that it would be a bad omen to reject it.

Among laughs and old stories Jon found himself falling even deeper for his cousin, something that would prove to be devastating for him since she was not his to keep.

 


	2. The price we pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry if there's any grammar mistakes.   
> Thanks for reading!

 

 _“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”_  

 

**E.A Bucchianieri**

> .
> 
> .

 

 

 

 

He sat in a dark corner of the room as he watched the festivities developing before his eyes, a cup of dornish wine was in his hand as his eyes followed his cousin’s every move, he wondered if his Targaryen blood was to blame for his obsession with the red-haired girl.

Jon grumbled when he saw a man stumbled in his drunken state and nearly tipping over Sansa, Aegon of course had shoved the man away and taken the young girl’s face between his hands to make sure she was okay. Vile rose to Jon’s throat and he tried to quench it by downing his cup. Why it was that another celebration was needed was beyond his knowledge, but since his brother was leaving tomorrow in a tour through King’s landing and nearby villages he had requested for his father to throw a party in his honor, he was that egocentric.

So now Jon was sitting alone, drunk and brooding while he watched everyone else having a good time around him “Every time I see that look on your face I am reminded of my dear brother” The voice of his mother made him look up and found her standing beside him with a warm smile on her face.

“That is what everyone says” Jon answered while his mother took a seat next to him. Jon had always been more Stark than Targaryen, which was another reason why he resented his brother, raised among dragons Jon always felt himself more wolf.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her” Lyanna said softly as her eyes went to watch Sansa and Aegon across the room. Jon remained in silence and didn’t utter a word in fear and shame “I’m so sorry my dear boy” The woman extended her hand and took his son’s hand in his.

“I can’t help it”

“Oh I know. Love never asks for permission, it just happens” Her voice was wistfully and Jon knew she was thinking about the love affair with his father, which he still wasn’t sure had truly started only after his late wife passed away. “But make sure you take care of your heart Jon, or you will bleed in the end”

He sighed “I already do mother”

Lyanna gave him a sad look before leaning towards him and placing a kiss on his cheek “I love you dear boy”

“I love you too mother”

“And I love both of you” Jon heard the voice of his father and raised his eyes to find him standing in front of them. His mother demeanor changed completely as a bright smile lit up her entire face, Jon wondered briefly if someday a woman was going to react to him the way his mother did to his father.

It was probable it would never happen since Jon was nothing like his father. Rhaegar was tall, blonde and lean; he had the sweetest voice in all the seven kingdoms and was kind and compassionate. He was also a great warrior and a very smart man, Jon was sure he wasn’t half the things his father was.

“But no matter how much I love you my dear wolf, I am too steal your mother for a moment” Rhaegar smile as he extended his hand towards Lyanna could have lit up the entire room, no one could ever doubt of the love that shone in the Dragon King’s eyes whenever he saw his beautiful wife. Lyanna took the hand he was offering and in seconds she was already in his arms being whisked away towards the dance floor where everyone but his own brother looked at the couple with tenderness in their eyes.

After a few moments Jon stood up from his dark corner and moved to the other side of the room where Tyrion Lannister was in a deep drunken conversation with his aunt Daenerys.

“It appears the wolf boy has decided to grace us with his presence” Tyrion smiled widely as he took the now empty cup on Jon’s hand and refilled it “Have you had enough brooding for one night?”

“Why are you brooding now dear nephew?” Daenerys asked with a small smile playing at her lips “Is because of the Lady of Winterfell again?” Jon gave him a dumbstruck look and Tyrion almost chocked on his wine as he laughed “You are as transparent as water Jon”

The young Targaryen sat next to the Lannister man as he took the cup to his lips and pondered what his aunt had told him. He tried to reign over his emotions but he was never quite good at it, he wondered briefly it perhaps that was why his brother seemed to show so much interested in his betrothed when he had resisted the union at first.

“Come on, don’t be so gloomy. It’s a celebration!” The imp threw his hands in the air as he and Danny laughed, Jon could see the nasty glances Cersei Lannister send their way and it give him some satisfaction to know they were annoying her.

A couple of minutes passed among laughs, old tales and a lot of jesting from Tyrion, Jon was now a fully participant on their conversation which is why he never realized when his cousin approached him “Would you dance with me Jon?” Sansa asked and the words seemed to die down on his companions’ mouths who limited themselves to stare at him.

“I do not think that would be a wise decision my lady” Jon could hear Tyrion snorting but payed no attention, how could he when Sansa was gifting him with the brightest of smiles.

“And why is that?”

“Because I am a poor dancer”

“Maybe you just need a good teacher” Without giving him chance to reject her again Sansa took his hand and forced him to stand up and guided him towards the dance floor under the gawking gazes of Tyrion and Daenerys.

Jon held Sansa awkwardly as they swayed, he was very skilled with a sword but arts were never his stronger point, those were reserved to his father and Aegon since Rhaenys shared his lack of talents.

“You dance like my father” Sansa said with a laugh and Jon blushed under her stare “I swore you couldn’t be more like him and yet here you are”

“I tried to warn you my lady”

“I don’t mind” She smiled brightly as she moved an inch closer to him “You remind me of home” Jon didn’t know why but that made his chest expand with a warm feeling he couldn’t quite name.

“You must be happy your family is coming soon?” Jon the side of her head went to rest against his, a gesture he was sure could be scandalous but since no one was watching them he allowed it to happen.

“I can’t wait. I miss everyone dearly, specially Robb and Lady” Her eyes lit up when she spoke of her direwolf “Robb told me he’s bringing her”

Jon nodded since it made a lot of sense, the Starks were arriving in a moon’s time to King’s landing to attend the wedding of Sansa and Aegon, after that the red haired girl will not return to the north but will be shipped off to Dragonstone with her new husband.

“I’m glad my lady”

“You must be excited to see them too”

“Yes, I am”

Though Jon loved his father and sister dearly he always felt more affinity for the family of his mother than what he did for the Targaryen’s. Robb Stark had always been to Jon the brother Aegon couldn’t be and he dotted on little Arya and her wild spirit.

“Smile Jon” Sansa teased him as she contemplated his gloomy face “These are good times”

“Good times indeed my lady” He tried to give her a small smile and failed miserable, so instead he tried to keep up with her rhythm as they swayed and tried to enjoy the moment, because in a few weeks she was going to be his brother’s but for this moment she was only his.

* * *

Jon couldn’t quite remember what he had been dreaming before his sister woke him up two days afterwards, he remembered fire, burned corpses and an army made of frozen men. It didn’t matter since every trace of it went it way when his eyes snapped open and he saw the tear stained cheeks of his sister.

“What is wrong?” He asked as he sat up, his body becoming alert as all traces of sleepiness abandoned his body.

“They took him… they killed him” She sobbed as she climbed into the bed with him.

“What are you talking about Rhaenys?”

“An uprising, I don’t know what happened but now he’s dead”

Jon gripped her shoulders as he stared at her, dread settling in the pit of his stomach “Who is dead?”

“Aegon is”


	3. The happiest and saddest I've ever been

“The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and saddest you've ever been in your whole life.”

**-Nicole Krauss-**

**.**

**.**

Jon’s arms tightened around her older sister as she wept against his chest; her brother clothes and armor currently burned in a pile in front of them as a sort of memorial since Aegon’s body hadn’t returned home.

Across from them their father was looking as defeated as one could expect while Lyanna caressed his hair and murmured sweet words into his ear. The bandits who had taken his brother’s life had been radicals who still condemned Rhaegar for overthrowing his father, and who regarded the murdered of the ancient Mad King a betrayal.

His cousin Sansa was nowhere to be found, since she had refused to leave her chambers; Jon had wanted to comfort her but hadn’t been able to push down the guilty feelings that burned in his throat, because a part of him had wished his brother dead over the last days.

The Starks were already on its way from the North since they had to show their support to their king and also because at this moment no one knew what was going to happen with Sansa, now that the betrothal was no longer.

“I can’t believe this is happening” Rhaenys sobbed and his arms tightened around him, her words slicing through his heart as knife.

Guilt washed over him as he remembered how angry he had been at his brother after his behavior towards Sansa, how much he had wished for something to put a stop to the wedding and now the Gods had answered to him and his brother had ceased to exist. 

He wondered if his thoughts and wishes had something to do with the outcome of things, if somehow the Gods had decided to give him what he had asked for, if he was the guilty one from bringing so much sorrow into his family.

_Be careful what you wish for, he thought bitterly as he felt the body of his sister tremble against his arms._

* * *

He took a deep breath before placing his hand on the doorknob, his fingers shook as he turned the object around and the door to his cousin’s chambers opened. A raven had come to them announcing the Starks were to arrive in one night turn but Sansa still refused to come out.

Jon walked inside and found her sweet cousin sitting on a chair facing the balcony, her eyes were weary of crying and her fiery red hair fell unbound over her shoulders.

“Is a beautiful day isn’t?” The soft voice of Sansa spoke as her eyes kept trained on the landscape outside her window.

Jon swallowed as he approached her, his hand rose to lay on her shoulder and it hesitated slightly before touching her “It is”

“Then why do I not feel happy?” She whispered and Jon felt his chest tightening at the defeat on her voice “Do you think me stupid Jon?” Her head moved swiftly until her big Tully blue eyes posed over him and there was so much sadness in them that he felt himself breaking under her stare.

“I will never think such a thing my lady”

Sansa took a deep breath as her eyes moved slightly to the hand lying on her shoulder “I think I never really knew him. We were only together for a couple of weeks Jon but in my heart I know I loved him”    

Jon winced internally “I know you did”

“Arya would think me stupid. The silly girl who dreams of kings and castles, who still believes in love and happily ever after” Her eyes had moved back to the front as she now laded her head so it could rest against Jon’s arm.

“I don’t think she would think that” Jon said honestly. Arya and Sansa might have their differences but he knew that the youngest stark girl would never make fun of her such a difficult time in her sister’s life.

“I can’t stop thinking about his face Jon” She whispered “His beautiful face bruised and bloodied, his body harmed and violated. It is hard for me to convey such cruelness in the world”

Jon moved in front of her and kneeled down so he could see her face completely “I wish you didn’t need to know about this injustice Sansa, I wish you could know only the good things in life” Jon felt such an immense surge of protectiveness for this girl who was so sweet and dreamy. He felt the urge to protected her from all the evil of the world and keep her locked down where nothing could harm her.

“What would become of me Jon?” Her voice broke down and his eyes closed in pain at the sound “Will I be send back to Winterfell? Will I be given to some northern lord or to someone in the south?” Jon took her hands between hers and squeezed them softly. He hated the way the words sounded, hated to think of her as cattle to be given to someone. But she also knew he was right, now that the union was broken the Starks would be in need to find another one for her since she was already of age.

Sansa had been betrothed to Aegon for most of her life, she had dreamed of being queen and marrying her golden prince since forever and now because of him life had taken everything she always dreamed from her.

“I will protect you Sansa” He promised

She gave him a sad look and released one of her hands to caress his cheek lovingly “You can’t protect me. No one can protect anyone”

_Be careful what you wish for, Jon thought bitterly as he stared into the dead eyes of her cousin._

* * *

He lowered his eyes trying to avoid the stare of his uncle Eddar as the words of his father still ringed in his ears. He saw the way Lady Catelyn had flinched and if he was being honest he also had felt the need the recoil after the statement of Rhaegar.

“I think it’s the best option Ned” Lyanna spoke softly and demurely as her eyes looked at her brother sympathetically “I wouldn’t want Sansa to be denied of what she was been promised her entire life”

“But she is still grieving” Catelyn interjected.

“I am grieving too Lady Stark” Rhaegar’s eyes flashed with the hidden fire the dragon held and Jon watched her mother place a hand on top of his to calm him down “Which is why we would wait two moons until ceremony takes place”

Jon heard the sharp intake of breath from Ned Stark and against his better judgment his eyes rose to meet his but he didn’t found disdain as he expected, his uncle’s eyes were warm as he stared at him “So be it then” Ned’s voice was sharp as he spoke.

 Jon’s body quivered with fright and he felt his mother’s hand gripping his underneath the table. In two moons time he was to marry Sansa Stark and never had he felt more afraid of something, because he was now heir to the iron throne and somehow the decision didn’t feel right.

_Be careful what you wish for, he thought bitterly as he tried to avoid his future mother in law’s stare._


	4. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your words! I'm glad you're liking the story. Once again I apologize for any mistakes made, english is not my birth language.

_“What about you? Are you happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?"_

_"Of course I am."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”_

**-Nicole Krauss-**

* * *

His face was ridden with guilt as the stood in front of the Weirwood his father had built for his mother when they firsts got married; Sansa and him were to have two ceremonies, once celebrated in the way of the old gods and one celebrated with the faith of the seven.

Jon’s hands twisted nervously in front of him as he waited for his bride to appear, wearing the Targaryen colors he stood at the front and surveyed the place around him seeing the faces of the attendants and thinking that it wasn’t him who was supposed to be standing here but his brother instead. 

He hadn’t heard a word from Sansa’s mouth ever since the betrothal was announced and the once so easy connection between them became stranded to the point where they were more strangers than anything else. He missed the warmness of her smile and the sweetness of her words; he missed feeling important to her and hated to think that this game of masks and demure words was going to be their lives from now on.

Jon imagined Sansa resented him, where she once had been promised a golden dragon prince she was now getting the spare who had more wolf blood than dragon in him. Her cousin who once swore to protect her was now the one who was chaining her to a life she did not ask. The guilt was too much he sometimes imagined it was going to devour him whole.

When Sansa appeared finally the air got stuck in his throat, his hands started to shake even more and despite his efforts he couldn’t help the thoughts that appeared on his head at seeing how beautiful she looked with her hair styled in intricate braids and an ivory dress hugging her body in the most perfect of ways.

She had always been his dream.

And now he was sure he was nothing but a nightmare to her.

“Who comes before the Old Gods this night?” The gravelly and musical voice of Rhaegar Targaryen said once Sansa reached them.

“Sansa of House Stark comes here to be wed. A woman grown, trueborn and noble. She comes to beg the blessing of the Gods. Who comes to claim her?” Ned followed as his eyes gave an appeasing look at Jon.

“Jon of House Targaryen, first of his name and heir to the seven kingdoms” Jon spoke and Sansa’s eyes snapped at his and what he saw in them he disarmed him.

“Lady Sansa, do you take this man?” Rhaegar asked.

“I take his man” She whispered.

And in that moment Jon felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.

* * *

Three hours after their second ceremony ended Jon was already in his cups, Sansa still refused to speak or look at him and he felt the impending doom of the bedding lurking over him so the only way out he found was to drown himself in the cups of wine Tyrion Lannister kept placing in front of him.

“I do not think she hates you” His aunt Daenerys told him softly as she and Tyrion tried to restore his spirits after he drunkenly told them all about his guilty and fears for the night to come “I think she just still processing, this isn’t what she expected”

“Oh I am well aware of that” He muttered as he saw her dance with Robb, a small smile gracing her lips.  A smile she had been denying him for the last two moons.

“And at least your Lord father seems happy” Tyrion offered as Jon’s eyes found the dancing figure of his parents across the room.

After Aegon’s death, that melancholy that was ever present in Rhaegar and that had vanished when Lyanna entered in his life came back, only when he was in the presence of his she-wolf did he seemed to get rid of that sadness that seemed to overwhelm his life.

“Someone should be” He muttered before downing the rest of his drink.

When the cheers for the bedding started to sound in the hall Jon resented the northern tradition more than ever, his men took him to one side while he watched Sansa being dragged to the other by the women. The alcohol in his system seemed to evaporate with the dread of what it was coming.

Sansa wasn’t going to be the first woman in his life but he was certain that he was the first man for her, and he shouldn’t be. Aegon was supposed to be the one.

“I’m sorry” He whispered as he stood in front of her, unable to meet her eyes because of the shame that overcame him. She was standing there only in her shift and her red hair was lose around her back, she looked more beautiful than ever before and he couldn’t even look at her before feeling an ache in his chest.

 “It isn’t your doing” She told him softly before laying down in the bed. Her eyes were frantic and scared and he hated to be doing this to her in front of so many people. Jon took a deep breath before untying his breeches and climbing on top of her trying to shield as much as her body from prying eyes as he could. “Will it hurt?” Her voice was so frightened that he could do nothing but caress her cheek and dropping his forehead into hers.

“Only at the beginning, but I’ll be gentle”

Sansa nodded and Jon hated himself for how hard was while seeing her underneath him despite how awful their situation was. He could be nothing but a monster for feeling this way.

He heard her intake of breath as his hand moved to her lower body in order to prepare her, she was trembling in his arms and he wished he could be gentle and elegant like Aegon instead of rugged and feral like a northern. Sansa gripped his shoulders when he pushed inside, her nails digging against the soft fabric of his shirt as she gasped in pain. A single tear fell from her eyes and he leaned down to press his lips against it, hating what he was doing to her but most of all hating how good it was feeling.

“I’m sorry, so sorry sweetling” Jon whispered as his hips moved against her, Sansa’s face moved away from his as she closed her eyes and Jon wondered if she was pretending to be somewhere else, he wouldn’t blame her since this wasn’t what she asked for.

It was all over pretty soon and Jon never felt more disgusted with himself than when he emptied inside her warm body, ashamed at the pleasure he had reached at her expenses.

Once when they were children Aegon had thrown a tantrum so big over Rhaegar taking Jon in a hunting trip instead of him that when they returned he had told Jon that he was always meant to be a bastard, because Elia was always going to be his father’s true wife yet Jon knew he was wrong and his father never let him feel like anything but a true born son.

But at this moment as he watched the pained expression on Sansa’s face he felt every bit of the bastard his deceased brother claimed he was.

* * *

 

Afterwards Jon retired to his own chambers and soaked himself in a bath, trying to see if the hot water would be able to rid him of all the sins he committed in this fateful night. First and foremost he had desired a woman that didn’t belong to him, that wasn’t his to want; Once he wished for his brother betrothal with his cousin to be broken and the Gods granted it in exchange for his brother’s life and tonight he had taken the innocence of the only person in the world he never wanted to hurt.

Jon was even ashamed to stare at his own reflection in the mirror.

Once he was over with his bath he dressed himself and marched in search of Sansa, he couldn’t stand this gap between them anymore and he didn’t want for things to end between them as they had done before they parted.

He stood in front of her door and was about to knock when he heard the soft whimpers coming from the other side, he pictured her small and frail curled in her bed as her tears soaked her face. Crying for the terrible cards life threw her, crying for the terrible thing he did to her.

Jon didn’t knock; instead he let himself fall against her door and released the tears he didn’t even know he was holding. In that moment more than ever he felt winter itself seething in his veins.


	5. For destruction ice is also great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for your words, I love reading how much you the like story. 
> 
> By the way what did you think of last episode? I think this season has been very weak plot wise and honestly I didn't like last chapter at all and don't even get me started with all the fan service on Jonerys. 
> 
> Enjoy now!

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”

**-Neil Gaiman-**

**.**

**.**

Their child was a wedding night babe; Sansa and Jon hadn’t shared a bed since that first night and Jon was more than a little surprised when Sansa announced a couple of weeks later that she was with child.

The relationship between them remained stranded still and Jon didn’t have the slightest idea of how he was supposed to make things better, Sansa was now on the seventh month of her pregnancy and Jon craved the intimacy and easy going relationship they had shared before that fateful night when his brother had been brutally murdered.

“I think what you need is to sit down and talk with her” Rhaenys said as she leaned down her head against his shoulder, a gesture she did often and that warmed Jon’s heart. They were currently strolling in the gardens of Kings Landing since both Lyanna and Rhaegar had asked the young couple to delay their departure to Dragonstone until after the babe was born and Jon not wanting to be completely alone with his wife had complied.  

“I’ve tried to but most times I feel like I can’t even get close to her” Jon sighed “It’s like she built this ice armor around her and whenever she wants she just freezes me over”

“Sansa has always been like that” Robb interject, he had arrived a few weeks earlier to visit his sister, his marriage with Lady Myrcella was getting closer but he wanted to wait until Sansa had given birth so she could travel to the ceremony, Robb refused to marry without his sister. “That’s why I always hated to fight with her; whereas Arya will shout and punch you Sansa would just shut you down. And I happen to think Ice can hurt more than fire”

 “Yeah, it does” Jon said wistfully.

“You need to win her over” A smile broke down on Robb’s face as he turned to his cousin full of excitement “Do something gallant for her or gift her with something” He started pocketing his doublet until he pulled out a pouch of deep green velvet “I got this for Lady Myrcella by suggestion of Sansa” Robb opened the small bag and pulled out a beautiful golden necklace with an emerald stone in the center “It matches the eyes of my betrothed”

Jon felt Rhaenys stiffen next to him and felt his heart filling with sadness in behalf of his sister because for all intents and proposes Robb seemed to be completely mad over his wife to be “You need to do woo her”

They resumed their walk and continued talking about nonsenses but Jon couldn’t stop thinking about Robb’s words. Not that he believed that with gifts and expensive things he could win over Sansa’s love but perhaps he hadn’t been trying enough, perhaps she only needed to know someone cared about her.

* * *

Jon sighed and gripped the gift in his hand tightly, barely hissing when one of the thorns plunged into his skin. Before he could think more about it and decided to escape he knocked on the door and heard the soft whisper on his wife’s voice telling him he could come inside.

He opened the door and found her sitting by the fire with her needlework on her lap and her ladies sitting around her, Sansa eyed the object on his hand and a small smile appeared on her lips. Jon felt the blush rising to his cheeks when though about how silly he probably looked, he should have followed Robb’s advice and got her some jewelry.

“You may leave now” Sansa said softly addressing her ladies who hurried out of the room while trying not to giggle “My lord?” Sansa spoke to him when it appeared he wasn’t going to move.

“Just Jon Sansa, please” He told her as he walked towards her, the girl nodded and put her needlework aside on the small table, her hands resting on top of her growing belly. The belly where their child was currently resting, sometimes it still seemed unbelievable to Jon to think that he was going to become a father very soon.

“Is that for me?” She gestured to his hands and he nodded awkwardly as once again he felt the heat rising to his cheeks.

“I saw them and they made me think of you” Jon stretched his hand and handed her a pair of deep blue winter roses. After marrying Lyanna, his fathered had ordered for them to be planted in every garden and made sure they were cared for.

Sansa took the offering gift and smiled as she took the roses to her nose and inhaled deeply “They remind me of home” She whispered remembering the glass garden his grandfather had built for her grandmother back in Winterfell.

“I know” Jon moved to sit on the chair in front of hers “Sansa… I… I want to try”

A frown marred her pretty skin “Try?”

“I know that we might never get to love each other” It was a lie that he had told so many times that it fell so easily from his lips now, because the truth was that he had loved her since the first moment he saw her “But I can’t take this coldness anymore”

“Coldness?” Sansa whispered almost absently “I guess I might have been a little hard on you lately. But you need to understand Jon… you were my dear cousin, I never saw you like anything else” There was nothing but brutal honesty in her words and he had to try not to wince at hearing them “I’ve been trying to adjust”

“I know and I know I should try to be more understanding with you” His dark eyes pierced into her beautiful blue ones “But I couldn’t keep it quiet anymore, I can’t stand the thought of you hating me”

Surprise appeared on Sansa’s face “Hate you? Oh no dear Jon” She stretched her hand until she could take his “I could never hate you. I rather have you as my husband than anyone else my father could have made an alliance with”

_Except Aegon_ , Jon thought bitterly before he was filled with shame for his dark thoughts.

“So, can we try Sansa?” His face has so full of hope as he spoke “If not for us, for our babe”

“I would like that” She answered with a smile before her face contorted in a grimace and she took her hand away in order to put her in her stomach.

“What is it?” Jon answered worriedly as he stood up and loomed over her; Sansa shook her head as the smile appeared on her face again.

“You want to feel him?”

“Him?”

“I just know it’s a he” She said shrugging and extending her hand to take Jon’s, he watched in amazement as she placed it on top of her stomach and almost shouted with delight when he felt the small fluttering move that signaled their babe was moving inside her.

“Does he do it often?” He asked as he kneeled down so he could place his hand in a more comfortably way.

“Mostly at nights” She answered as she watched with rapt attention at his childish delight while he felt their babe kicking “I think he might want us to know he agrees with our deal”

“Aye, I think he does” Jon answered as his eyes rose to meet hers.

And the smile she gifted him with melted some of the ice that burned his insides.

* * *

Arianne Martell arrived a fortnight later, the Dornish King always strived to maintain peace with the other families and thought his brother Oberyn had been slightly offended when Rhaegar took Lyanna for a wife, Dorian wasn’t; his children were always welcomed in King’s Landing and since they adored their cousins they were always trying to find reason to go.

Arianne was a beautiful woman with olive skin and long dark hair falling in ringlets at her back, she was exotic and forthcoming; she was also the one that had initiated Jon in the arts of love. But that had been a long long time ago and it wasn’t the reason why the young Prince was so fond of her, Jon considered her one of his true friends because when around him she always wore her heart on her sleeve. No mask, no secret agendas, she was honest with him and wasn’t afraid to call him on his bullshit.

“I think you wanted your brother dead” Her voice echoed in the quiet library where they currently were and Jon’s eyes widened before he leaned forward and shushed her.

“Do not say those things” He told her in panic.

“No one is here” She answered with a roll of her eyes “But you can’t deny it, can you? For even a fraction of a second you wished him dead and now you feel guilty as fuck because he actually died and you got what you wanted all that time”

Jon looked down in shame and wondered how was it possible that this woman knew him so well. “It’s my fault”

She snorted in a very un-lady like way “Don’t be dumb Jon; this isn’t your fault at all. It was a tragedy, sad but there’s nothing you can do about it. So now enjoy your wife like you want to” Her eyes twinkled mischievously and he felt his cheeks heating up at the implications on her tone.

“She doesn’t think of me that way” He said “I’m just her cousin”

She grinned “And you are a Targaryen”

“Stop Arianne, it’s not like that between us”  

She granted him another roll of her eyes “You people are so oblivious” Arianne put down the cup of wine she had been currently holding and leaned towards him, placing her elbows on the table “I know women my dear wolf, I saw the way her eyes sparkled with rage when you greeted me in the courtyard. There’s a wild wolf inside her, you just need to let her out” 

Jon shook his head in annoyance Arianne might know women but she did not known Sansa and while in the last few days things had evolved between to the point where they always shared a moment before going to bed together just talking about their days, there was no way that she felt something towards him besides love for a cousin.

Yet he couldn’t stop his heart skipping a beat with the prospect of it.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Believe what you want my dear wolf” She said as she leaned back on her chair again, cup on her hand one more time “Now tell me, when is Rhaenys telling your handsome cousin how she feels?”

“He’s about to marry Arianne” Jon said with a half-smile

“So? She’s a princess; she can do whatever she likes”

Jon let out a chuckle and spent the rest of the afternoon letting his best friend lift up his spirits.

Hours later when it was time of his nightly visits to his wife Jon was surprised to find her already getting ready for bed instead of waiting for him in her chair by the fireplace like she had been doing the previous nights.

“Sansa?” Jon asked unsure and stepped back when saw the frosty look she threw in his direction.

“I am very tired tonight my lord” Her words were low and measured as one of her ladies finished braiding her hair and another one was in the middle of preparing her bed “I shall go to sleep now”

“Of course” He nodded as he started retreating, Sansa’s ladies were sending annoyed looks in his direction and he was starting to feel uncomfortable “It was not my intention to disturb you”

Sansa’s jaw clenched as her eyes regarded him coldly “Sleep well my lord”

“Sleep well Sansa”

His voice had a sad tone to it as he turned around and left her chambers, his hand gripping the winter rose on his hand until blood tinted the blue petals.


	6. Love is madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!  
> Enjoy.

“When love is not madness. It is not love”

**-Pedro Calderon de la Barca-**

**.**

**.**

Jon stared at her as she tended to her flowers; two of her ladies were with the girl and the three girls were laughing at something one of them had said. Sansa was sitting on the grass and she looked very far away from the Queen she was to be one day and more like the young girl she was.

Her belly was heavy and swollen with their babe who was going to arrive in a couple of weeks according to the Maester, sometimes when he looked at her Jon still couldn’t believe that he had been part of creating the life that now grew inside her womb.

A couple of days had passed since the night she shut him out when he went to visit her and he hadn’t been in her chambers ever since, his invitation had been revoked and he couldn’t understand why. Arianne who loved to tease him kept telling him the reason was obvious but he was too stupid to notice and since she wanted him to get smarter she wasn’t going to tell him what it was.

He was going mad trying to figure out what he had done that had caused his young wife such displeasure, not even Robb had been able to help him since he didn’t seem to understand what happened with his sister and blamed it all on pregnancy hormones.

Jon of courses did not believe it was that.

So here was now, lurking in the shadows like a creep while he enjoyed all the smiles his wife gave away whenever he wasn’t around, smiles that she never gave to him anymore.

With a sigh Jon pulled himself away from the column where he had been hiding and walked towards the young girls in the bushes, the minute Sansa’s ladies spotted him they straightened up and wiped the smiles of their faces making his wife know that he had arrived.

The red haired girl turned her head and sighed with something resembling displeasure when she saw him; he almost backed away in that instant but decided not to. Frankly, he had enough of this silent treatment and he wasn’t going to go until he found out why he was suffering from such cruelty.

“You may leave us” Sansa told her ladies softly when it was obvious Jon was not moving away from his spot in front of her. The girls scattered around as the young man dropped himself into the grass facing his wife.

“I want to talk” Jon said softly

An elegant eye brow rose in his direction “And to what do I owe this pleasure?”

Jon nearly recoiled at the bitterness in her voice but had to remind himself to stay calm “I’ve been trying to talk to you for days Sansa”

“Have you?” She asked and he could see a beautiful blush rising in her neck, signaling she was getting mad with him. “All I’ve see is you parading yourself around with Princess Arianne”

Jon’s eyes nearly fell of his sockets at the accusation “Parading myself?”

“If you were going to have a mistress so early in our marriage you could have let me know so I would be prepared and not suffer from this humiliation” Her cheeks were completely red now and her blue eyes were glacial as she stared at him.

“She is not my mistress Sansa, how could you even…” Jon huffed, unable to finish his sentence. This was something way out of his league, how could she believe he would be getting involved with other women when she was the only one that was in his mind, she was the one who consumed his every thoughts and the one on his mind every time his hand found his member under his clothes.

“How can I even?” She bit out “You were with her before didn’t you? I mean you just have to look at her to know any man would want her”

“Sansa…”

“And I mean I can’t really blame you because it’s not like I can do much right now” She said gesturing towards her body “And the whole cousins thing makes it odd but Jon I would at least appreciate if you didn’t flaunt her in my face!” Her chest heaved showing a clear sign of her agitation while Jon stared at her with an open mouth.

Could it be possible that Arianne had been right?

“Sansa… are you jealous?”

Her cheeks turned even more red than they already were “Of course not!” She said in indignation “How could I-“She took a deep breath “Leave me alone Jon”

“No

“Excuse me?”

“I said no” 

“But-“ Whatever Sansa was about to say got cut off because of a sharp pain on her lower stomach, her hand went there immediately as Jon moved towards her at seeing the painful expression on her eyes.

“What is it?” His eyes were frantic as he stared at her.

“It hurts” She whined as Jon shouted to her ladies who he could still see in the distance and ordered them to get a maester “Jon I don’t think I can walk” Sansa said as she doubled in pain while he made her stand up.

“Don’t worry about it sweet girl” He told her before swooping her in his arms and taking her back to the keep.

* * *

Sansa’s pains were a false alarm but the maester ordered her to remain in bed rest until the babe arrived, since he didn’t want to take any chances with the future heir of the Seven Kingdoms. The young girl had been devastated because she knew that it would mean she could no longer tend to her flowers or stroll around the gardens and much less play with Lady and Ghost.

Jon was grateful that their child seemed to be in perfect conditions and that even if he blamed himself for upsetting her Sansa hadn’t released his hand ever since he laid her down on her bed.

“We could play cards” He told her as he traced small circles in the hand he was holding; her back was resting against plush pillows placed on the headboard, her braid had come undone and her red locks fell around her like a halo, he was sitting at the edge of the bed facing her and hadn’t moved there since the maester retired and let them alone “Do you know how to?”

Sansa refused with her head “I can’t say I do”

Jon called for the guard at the door and asked him to fetch his cards from his bedchamber; the man raised a brow in his direction but didn’t say anything as he left to retrieve them with a half-smile on his face.

“I’m sorry I frightened you” She told him softly

Jon gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand “You have nothing to be sorry about my lady, I’m just glad the little one is healthy” He reached his hands towards her belly and placed it there gently “What makes you think it would be a boy?”

She shrugged “I just know”

Jon smiled at her answer and watched with awe how her hand laced with the one resting on her stomach “Do you have any ideas for a name?” He asked groggily, the stir of emotions the girl provoked in him was to be too much for him to bear sometimes.

Sansa’s eyes moved to meet his “I believe you should chose it my lord”

“Just Jon, Sansa” He said softly, wishing for that easiness they shared when they were just cousins to come back to them “Why should I? You’re the one carrying it”

“But he would be your heir” She told him and frowned when she saw the discomfort on his face “You never wished for this did you?” She asked softly as her hand caressed his.

Jon’s face was fixated on their locked hands and the small circles she traced in the back of his “Being king was not something I desired” Jon chose to answer because a Kingdom was never his goal, all he ever wanted was her.

“I’m sorry” She whispered “For being forced to live a life you did not ask for” His eyes snapped to hers and was surprised when he didn’t find the sorrow he was expecting but just a calm sense of peace.

Jon gave her a half smile and decided to steer the topic back to their initial point “I know you must have thought of something” It took a minute for Sansa to understand what he was talking about and when she did a smile broke on her face.

“Well… I thought that maybe it would be nice to call him Robb but it’s not a Targaryen name” She said shrugging while a rosy blush covered her cheeks. Sansa was very close to her brother who Jon also loved very deeply and most of the times he considered him more of his brother than he ever did Aegon.

“Robb… I like it” He said nodding.

“You do?” Sansa asked surprised since she had expected for him to choose a Targaryen name for his first born, but deep down something had always told Sansa that Jon was more wolf than dragon.

Jon smiled proudly “I think it would be a perfect name for the future prince” Sansa grinned back at him and for a second they were both lost in the moment, in staring at each other’s eyes and for the first time since their union feeling like everything was going to work out in the end.

“Jon-“

“Sansa-“

They both chuckled slightly before Jon’s face became serious as he stared at his young wife “She is not my mistress. What we had was a long time ago and something without meaning… I know how awful that sounds but it’s the truth”

Sansa lowered her eyes and Jon wanted to ask for her to look at him, to not hide from him like she did from everyone else “Do I mean something to you my Lord?” Her voice was a bare whisper and for a minute he was afraid of not hearing her correctly.

Because how could she put in doubt his feelings towards her? Even before their marriage, couldn’t she tell how his entire world revolved around her?

“Oh sweetling” Jon said with a sigh “You mean the world”

It appeared his answer was the right one because she rewarded him with a squeeze of her hand and a small smile “I was jealous” She admitted after a few seconds. It had been hard even for her to admit she was feeling it, Sansa was always especially fond of Jon but she never thought of it as nothing more than fraternal love and yet when she saw the beautiful Dornish princess with her arms around him she had felt something dark and bitter burning inside her. 

“You don’t have to be” He told her softly and Sansa could see nothing but pure honesty in his dark eyes.

Sansa reached up her arm and stroked his cheek softly, light stubble graced his skin and she happened to enjoy the feel of it against her palm “I like having you here”

“Me too” He answered, too breathlessly to say something more.

Their sweet moment was interrupted with the guard that came to deliver Jon’s pack of cards and he also came with two direwolves trailing behind him “I tried to stop them” The young guard said “But whenever I tried to steer them away they would just growl”

Jon chuckled and dismissed the concern of the young man with a wave of his hand “It’s no problem” He told the guard who retreated with a bow.

Sansa patted the side of her bed and without a second thought Lady climbed in while Ghost went to lay down on the floor on the other side of her “You’re going to teach me how to play or not?” She asked eying the cards on her husband’s hands.

“Aye, I will”

They spent the entire afternoon together that day and Jon never felt warmer than when she was smiling up at him.

 


	7. This story is about love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this one isn't a favorite of mine, I blame the lack of inspiration after that damn boat scene.  
> Hope you like it.

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return”

**-Moulin Rouge-**

**.**

**.**

Jon paced back and forth in the hallway as whimpers were heard behind the closed door. His father was sitting on a chair behind him, next to his uncle Ned while his mother and aunt Catelyn were inside his wife’s bedchambers.

“She will be fine” Rhaegar tried to calm down his son with a gentle tone but Jon’s eyes were mad with concern “Women have been doing this for ages” The man offered as a high pitched scream was heard from inside the room.

Jon couldn’t take it anymore and charged towards the door only to be stopped by the guards and a two of Sansa’s ladies “We were told no men but the maester can be in there my lord” One of them said softly as she tried not to cower under their lord stare.

He laughed under his breath, a dark sound they weren’t used to “And who is going to stop me?” His hand went to the pommel of his sword as he raised his eyes to meet the guards, the dragon inside him peaking from underneath the surface.

Rhaegar chuckled from behind him “Let the boy in”

The guards moved and the maids scurried away as Jon charged against the door, bursting it open to the surprise of both his mother and aunt and the relief of Sansa, whose face broke in a wide smile when she saw him.

“Oh sweet girl” Jon rushed to her side as she pushed once again per instructions of the maester who was located between her legs.

The young girl’s hair was wild and tangled: her face was drenched in sweat and red spots colored her cheeks as she made another effort to follow the maester instructions “You’re doing so well” Lady Catelyn told her daughter as she wiped the sweat out of her forehead with a cloth.

Jon had positioned himself on the other side of his wife and was currently pressing soft kisses into her damp forehead while held her hand and drew circles into the back of it “Thank you Jon” She whispered and he felt his heart clenching in his chest at the emotion in her words. He hated to see her in so much pain but he was grateful with the trust she showed his way “Thank you”

A couple of minutes afterwards the sound of a wailing child boomed in the chambers and he felt his heart leaping out of his chest “Congratulations my young prince. You have a son” The maester said and Sansa’s lips expanded into a smile once again.

“I said it was a boy” She whispered to Jon who kissed her forehead fervently, he was feeling an overwhelming surge of love towards the girl in front of him, he could never thank her enough for what she had gifted him with.

Once he was able to tear off his gaze from her blue eyes Jon saw his mother walking towards them with a bundle of blankets in her arms, her eyes glistening with tears and a huge smile on her face as she handed the babe into the waiting arms of a tired looking Sansa “Congratulations”

Jon let out a sharp intake of breath at the sight of the small creature in his wife’s arms, a part of him still couldn’t believe that the Gods had granted him the joy of creating something so beautiful with the woman he loved “Little Robb?” He asked to his wife as he extended his hand to caress the chubby cheek of the babe whose soft wisps of hair were as dark as his own.

“Little Robb” She agreed at the same moment the child opened his eyes which were of a faint violet color “Targaryen and Stark” Sansa whispered, in awe of the infant in her arms.

She dropped her head to the side until it bumped with the side of Jon’s, the world had shrunk to only the three of them as they cuddled the gift that had been sent to them. Sansa stared at the babe with a smile on her face and said a little prayer to the Gods in thankfulness for gifting her with the most precious thing in the world.

* * *

Sansa was a doting and dedicated mother and every time Jon caught sight of her with their babe he found himself being captivated by her. With each passing day he fell harder for his wife and hated to think of what could have happened if she had indeed married his brother, at this point he couldn’t even bring himself to feel guilty for having such thoughts because his family had become the most important part of his life and he would never regret them.

“Every day he looks more like you” Sansa whispered with a smile as she watched their babe drinking from her breast. She had refused a wet nurse since the beginning, deciding to nurse her child herself and the moments when she feed him at night were Jon’s favorites, since he was able to lie down on the bed next to her while she did it.

“I don’t think he does” He refuted matching his wife’s smile.

She snorted in a very un-lady like way and threw a glance in his direction “Of course he does. You just have to look at him to know whose child he is”

Jon had to agree with her although he truly enjoyed quarreling with her about the matter. He would never acknowledge it out loud but it gave him a great deal of satisfaction that their son was the spitting image of himself, thought of course with the Targaryen violet eyes he didn’t inherit.

“Your mother asked me to remain here until it’s time to leave for Winterfell” Sansa said quietly as she pulled Robb away from her breast. Her brother’s wedding was in two moons time and thought Sansa and Jon were supposed to be already in Dragonstone they had decided to wait since Lyanna doted on her grandchild and Jon didn’t want to take that small pleasure away from his mother yet.

“Are you eager to go back?” Jon asked as he took the babe from his wife’s arms and cradled him against his chest, he enjoyed the moments like these when he got to be with his family in the privacy and quietness of their chambers, away from prying eyes and the vipers that surrounded court.

“I am” She told him as she adjusted her nightgown over her chest “I miss the snow and the cold. I’m sure Ghost and Lady are going to be trilled as well”

Jon smiled down at his child as he watched his little eyelids dropping as his breathing evened out “I am sure they will” He answered. Jon had only been to the north in two occasions and on both times he had felt more at home than at his own house, he knew his mother missed it as well so he was glad they had the chance to go back once again.

“Your father is going to announce Rhaenys betrothal tomorrow” Sansa said in a quiet voice.

Jon nodded solemnly “So I’ve heard” His heart ached every time he thought about his sister and how much she resented her upcoming marriage, the fact that she had feelings for Robb who was to marry soon didn’t help to the matters at all.

“It must be hard for her” She said wistfully “I know how she feels about my brother” Jon’s eyes snapped to her in surprise, he had believed his sister hadn’t uttered a word about that to no one but himself “Women knows this things” Sansa said in a matter of explanation. “It must be hard to see the person you want with someone else”

Jon felt sadness wash over him at her words “Aye, it does” 

A frown appeared on Sansa’s face before she impulsively leaned towards him and placed her lips on top of his. Jon froze for a second before he responded to her kiss, appreciating the softness of her lips against his. They had only shared two kisses and both had been at their wedding ceremony so Jon relished in the show of affection she was gifting him with.

“I’m glad to be your wife” She whispered against his lips once they parted “In case I don’t say it enough” Jon chuckled against her mouth before pecking her lips once more.

“I’m glad too Sansa” He pulled away and when the babe in his arms whimpered he took his attention back to him. A small smile appeared on Sansa’s face as she watched her sleeping son in Jon’s arms and swooned at seeing the adoration in her husband’s eyes as he stared at their child.

There was no doubt in her heart now, that life had been too kind to her.

* * *

Jon stared at the papers scattered in front of him and tried to pay attention to what his father was saying, but it was late and he had been kept late the night before by little Robb and truth be told the only thing he wanted at the moment was to leave his father’s presence to go spend time with his family.

“This isn’t at all what you wanted” Rhaegar’s deep voice startled him and his eyes rose to find the silver haired man staring at him with a frown.

“Pardon me?” Jon asked, unsure as to what was his father referring to.

Rhaegar leaned back in his chair as he gave him wistfully look “Kingship, it was never your desire”

Jon sighed before he dropped the papers in his hand and leaned back on his chair in the same fashion as his father “No it wasn’t”

A half smile played on the King’s lips “Mine either”

“But you are a great king father” Jon said with true admiration. His father was not only an efficient ruler but also a loved one, Rhaegar didn’t need dragons to have the power; he held the power because people respected him and loved him. He only hoped he could be half the king his father was.

“And yet I enjoyed books and music more than war and politics” The elder Targaryen said with a chuckle “But it was my duty and I owed it to the realm to be better than my father”

Jon nodded as the tales of the Mad King’s rule came to his mind, he still couldn’t believe how there were people who still believed his father to be a usurper and wished for Aerys to be in the power.

The young man’s jaw clenched as he sat straighter in his chair “I will do my best to make you proud father”

“You already do my young prince” Rhaegar said with a smile as he reached across the table and caressed the cheek of his son briefly “You want to be with her don’t you?” He told as he leaned back on his chair once again.

“I do”

“I remember the first time I saw your mother… I was consumed with the need of her” Rhaegar’s eyes had acquired a faraway look, as if he was lost in the remembrance of an old time.

Jon made a grimace “Father I don’t-“

The older man ignored him, his eyes shone with love as he spoke about his current wife “She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she was fierce and smart and opinionated” He sighed dreamily and Jon though briefly that only when he talked about her the nostalgic expression was vanished from his face “She was my dream come true”

Jon took a deep breath as he gathered the courage to ask the question that had haunted him for so long, his father had deny it when he first asked but now that he was a man perhaps he would admit what most of the kingdom whispered “Did you… did mother and you were together before your first wife died?”

Rhaegar’s eyes widened and something resembling guilt flashed briefly on his face “A few touches and kisses but nothing more” He assured his son “Your mother was an honorable woman. I can’t say the same about myself”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t mind. I didn’t think about Elia at all, all I knew is I wanted Lyanna and nothing else mattered” His expression darkened “And when Elia got sick…” The king trailed off, his mind lost somewhere Jon couldn’t reach; he wondered what were those shadows that seemed to haunt his father every day. How many ghosts did chase after him whenever he closed his eyes?

“Father?”

Rhaegar seemed to snap back into the conversation as he let out a deep sigh “There was a brief second… the tiniest second which still haunts me” His purple eyes looked directly into Jon’s “Where I wished her dead” Jon stared back at him in silence not truly knowing the right way to answer a declaration of that kind. “Not very honorable, right?”

 _No, it wasn’t. Considering that woman had given him two children_ , but Jon didn’t voice his opinion since a voice in his head told him he wasn’t different from his father.

For he too had desired the death of someone because of the love of a woman.

“You didn’t mean to” Jon whispered softly after a while.

“Perhaps not, perhaps I did” The King said shaking his head “But in the end the Gods decided to take her and I tried to let that guilty go” Rhaegar’s hand reached until he took his and looked straight into his eyes as he spoke “You should do the same”

The air got stuck on Jon’s throat at the implications of his father’s words “Father…”

Rhaegar gave him a sympathetic smile “You’re a good boy my beloved Jon” He stroked the back of his hand briefly before releasing him “Now go be with your wife”

Jon stood up, unsure of how to feel after the words his father had whispered in the quietness of his library, a nagging voice in the back of his mind whispered that Targaryen men seemed to lose their honor when Stark women were involved.


	8. Everyday I love you more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit fluffy but don't get too comfortable, the drama isn't over yet

**"I swear I couldn't love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow."**

**-Leo Christopher-**

 

 

Sansa laughed freely as her brother twirled her around the dance floor; she was wearing a light blue wool dress and her hair was in a simple northern style and yet she felt like the most beautiful woman on the whole Seven Kingdoms.  Since the moment she had walked into Winterfell and felt the chill in her bones something had awoken inside her, she felt lighter and happier than she had in a long time and now with all her family gathered in the same room and her brother smiling down at her she was sure there couldn’t be a happier day.

“Are you happy dear brother?” Her Tully blue eyes stared into his equally beautiful ones as the song became slow and they started to only sway in each other’s arms.

“I believe I am Sansa”

She nodded as a smile appeared on her face; though her family had no lost love for the Lannisters, her father held a deep affection for Roberto Baratheon and Robb seemed to be truly enamored with his new wife so for Sansa that was a victory, thought it pained her to think of Rhaenys who had turned into a dear friend of her and who was utterly heartbroken because of the union they were currently celebrating.

“What about you, sister?” Robb asked her “Are you happy?”

Sansa thought back to the last few weeks with Jon and their child, something had changed between them since the moment little Robb arrived into their lives, she never thought of him before like nothing more than her cousin and yet these days she found herself staring at his lips and wishing for him to kiss her.

“Yes I am, Robb”

“I am glad”

They continued dancing a for a couple more songs since her husband had been born with two left feet and she enjoyed doing it with her brother. Her spirits were high as she looked around her home and the people she loved and saw the happy looks on their faces, that was of course until her eyes landed on the beautiful Arianne Martell who had Jon completely charmed.

“Be careful, you might break my arm” The teasing tone of her brother’s voice made her tear her eyes away from the couple “He is not interested in her you know”

“Be quiet Robb” She said ignoring his words as her eyes went back to her husband again. He looked happy and relaxed, like he did always he found himself in the company of the Dornish princess; he never looked that way when he was with her, she only got brooding stares and sad looks on most days.

Robb chuckled “I think you fancy your husband more than you care to admit sweet sister” Sansa’s eyes snapped back to his as a frown appeared on her forehead “Perhaps you should tell him sometimes”

She was still thinking about her brother’s words even after they had finished dancing and she found herself sitting next to her mother who couldn’t stop doting on little Robb.

Perhaps somewhere along the way she had developed feelings of other kind towards his once upon a time cousin and maybe in not realizing it she had pushed him away.

With a sigh she stroked the chubby cheek of her infant son and let her eyes drift once away towards the curly haired man whose cheeks currently looked flushed with happiness.

*   *   *   *    *    *    *

Jon sighed as he walked the halls of Winterfell in the direction of his chambers; too long had passed since he last visited his mother’s home and he couldn’t help but being amazed at how comfortable he felt, the cold air against his skin was more welcoming than the blazing sun of King’s landing.

Perhaps his mother was right and there was more wolf in him than dragon.

He was glad to be in Winterfell and it made him incredibly happy to see the joy on Sansa’s face when they first arrived yet she had seemed distant all night so Jon took the decision of finally speaking with her.

He always seemed to go one step forward with her only to move to steps back afterwards and he was tired of it, for better or for worse she was now his and he wanted her to acknowledge it, he wanted her smiles and her touches, he wanted everything that was meant to be his.

When he opened the door of his solar he found her sitting in the bed facing the door, as if she had been waiting for him to walk through it. She was already on her night clothes and he could see the outline of her nipples peaking through the thin material of her chemise, her hair was unbound and fell around her shoulders contrasting with her pale skin beautifully.

Jon felt himself getting hard at the sight of her and then felt shame washing over him for those thoughts.

“Sansa… I”

“I hate seeing you with her” She spoke before he could continue. His eyes widened at her words and he took a step forward “I don’t like it… it makes me feel mad! It makes me burn inside”

He felt his knees shaking while she continued talking. Her soft blue eyes were frantic as she stared at him, he was so used to seeing her always completely composed that it was quite shocking to him to see such lack of control on her face.

“Sansa… I do not desire her in any way”

“I know” She admitted as she rose from the bed “I know you would never do that to me” Her cold pale hand caressed his cheek and Jon felt himself melting into her touch, every word he had wanted to say earlier seemed to have flown away because at the moment his mind was completely blank “But I can help but feel it Jon… because I’ve- because you’ve become more to me than I ever thought”

“I’ve loved you since before you were mine” He admitted and his heart ached at the confusion on her eyes “I always wished you could be mine instead of his” His hands moved towards her waist and he almost expected for him to push him away, to demand an explanation, to tell him he disgusted her and that she was shamed to have given him a son.

“Oh Jon” Her eyes were sad as she stared at him but instead of pushing him away she moved closer to him, permitting his arms to bound around her frame “I had no idea, I never thought” She buried her head into his neck and he sighed in relief “I’m sorry” was all she said before raising her head and joining their lips.

Jon relished in the feel of her lips playing with his, he savored the moment, knowing it was she who had come to him, she who desired him in that moment and as they moved together towards the bed he found himself thinking perhaps Winterfell was a magical place, because at the moment he didn’t felt part of the world, he felt part of something else.

They discarded their clothes slowly and with gentle touches, he felt his insides burning at seeing her fully naked for the first time, he delighted on the feel of her heavy breasts into his hands and the taste of her skin on his tongue.

And when he finally slipped inside her he felt like crying, it was so different from the first time they shared a bed; here there were no one else but them as witness of what was happening and he was aware that this time both desired it as much as the other.

She moaned into his mouth and he urged his peace, her hair was wild around her as her nails dug into his buttocks. She looked so utterly beautiful, so far away from the always composed Sansa, she looked free and Jon swore he was going to have that memory of her etched into his mind forever.

When they finally reached their peaks their bodies were damp with perspiration, their breathing was laborious as he fell on his back on the other side of the bed and dragged her to rest on top of his body.

“I didn’t know it could be like that” Sansa admitted in a quiet voice

Jon chuckled “Neither did I sweet girl” She pressed a kiss into his chest and he started stroking her long hair, her face was now hiding in the crook of his neck and he send a silent thankful to Arianne because it had been her presence the one had allowed Sansa to embrace her feelings for him and that was the reason he was enjoying this moment with her “I love you Sansa” He admitted and felt her tremble in his arms.

“Oh my prince” Her voice was a bare whisper “…I’ve come to realize that I love you too” Jon felt his heart soar with happiness and pulled her closer to him if that was even possible.

For the first time in his whole life Jon Targaryen was truly happy.

And he had found his happiness among the walls of Winterfell.


	9. Home isn't a place, it's a feeling

**“I knew I loved you when home went from being a place to being a person”**

**E.Leventhal**

**.**

**.**

Sansa kissed the soft red curls on her daughter’s head as she watched marveled at her husband and brother training the boys in the yard. Robb, her eldest, had turned six a couple of days prior and Jon and her brother had instead it was time he started working on his skills with the sword, her brother’s own son Brandon who was almost five also was trying to learn. She believed them to be too young but also knew it was needed for him to learn, _winter is coming_ her father always said and they needed to be prepared for it.

Sansa sighed happily as she thought about how generous life had been with her; once upon a time she thought everything was lost to her, only to realize that everything she always wanted was at arm’s reach and she didn’t even notice it.

How foolish she had been as a girl, believing everything to be songs and fairytales and wishing for nothing more than a pretty crown gracing her head. Now she enjoyed the simple things in life; like smelling the lavender on her daughter’s hair, watching her son and his father laugh in the yard or cradling her little Aemon to her chest.

 She knew her husband was the heir to the throne and that at some point it would be expected of them to return to King’s landing, but King Rhaegar was as strong as ever so she hoped that wouldn’t be the case for many many years. Once she wished for all the glamour and beauty of court but now she feared nothing more than the whispers and worry that it brought, she wanted a simple life with no one else but her family.

Her husband’s eyes met hers across the yard and she sent a silent prayer towards the Gods for gifting her with so much happiness.

***  *   *    ***

That night Sansa found herself lying on her husband’s arms as the wind blew quietly outside the castle walls. The moon was full on the sky and the soft sound of the waves against the stones lulled her into a sense of peace.

“Rhaenys wrote” Jon whispered as he stroked the red hair on her head, her face was resting against his chest as she felt the steady rise and fall of him “She wants us to go meet her little one”

Sansa smiled at the thought, it had been too long since she had seen her dear friend and wished nothing more than to meet with her again “What did you say?”

“That we will be delighted”

Rhaenys had married the Knight of the flowers and thought there was no love between them Sansa knew her friend had come to appreciate Ser Loras, who was always kind and good to her which was more than could be expected. Rhaenys had two children now and though marrying a man who preferred the company of other men wasn’t ideal she was grateful at least she wasn’t offered to someone like Joffrey Baratheon.

“I also heard Arya is in love” Sansa confessed after a long time of silence between them. Jon couldn’t help his surprise at hearing his wife’s words and even lifted her head by the chin so he could stare into her face and know if she was only jesting with him.

“Arya? Your wild sister Arya is in love?”

A sad expression appeared on Sansa’s face “Indeed but you mustn’t tell anything. This was confided in me as a secret” Sansa admitted as she dropped her head to his chest once again, Jon recalled the sisters had been writing to each other with more frequency lately but never imagine it could be because of matters of the heart, not when Arya was involved.

“Why can’t anyone know?” He asked with true curiosity.

“Because he’s a bastard” Sansa admitted sadly “A blacksmith named Gendry, Robert’s bastard”

Jon felt his jaw clenching at the mention of the Lord of the Stormlands, he was a good enough man but Jon hated the longing way in which he stared at his mother plus there was no love between Rhaergar and Robert so Jon had grown up hearing only bad words about him by the silver haired man’s tongue.

“How did that happened?” He asked

“I truly don’t know” Sansa answered honestly, her sister had always been so independent and wild, never interested in the same things as her. A true puzzle Arya was but now Sansa saw she was only like everyone else “I only hope no one gets hurt”

Sansa knew that even though her father was a kind man he couldn’t allow his daughter to marry someone without a tittle and her mother would never consent it, she only dared to hope Arya didn’t do anything as rash as running away with the boy.

“Of course not, Arya’s smart” There was a special fondness in his voice whenever he referred to his young cousin “She’ll find a way”

“I hope she does”

_I found a way didn’t I?_ Jon wanted to add but then images of the bloodied body of his brother came to mind. Thought to be fair that hadn’t been his doing, it was the fate of the Gods and it had taken a lot of time for Jon to understand that nothing of what happened with his brother was his fault.

“You know I love you right?” Jon felt the urge to say those words out loud, a cold dread had settle into his stomach without him knowing why.

Sansa’s head rose once again and she stared at him with a frown marring her pretty face “Of course I do” She leaned to him and pressed her cold lips to his “As much as I love you” Jon smiled next to her lip as he tried to ignore the insidious part of his brain that whispered her words were lies, that she did not love him but instead settled with him. “You look sad my love” She caressed his cheek with her hand as her blue eyes observed him, he had changed over the years; his face looked harder and his body broader, his curls were now tied on a bun at the back of his head and a beard graced his handsome face. Jon looked more like a true northern than he ever did a Southron King and she adored that about him.

“How could I be sad when I am with you?” He replied, trying to ease his troubled heart and too keep worry away from her face.

“Now you are being too kind” She answered but a smile formed on her lips so he knew he had managed to avoid her questions “Always know the right words to say” She dropped her head into his chest again as his fingers started caressing her red locks once again.

Their quiet moment was interrupted by a violent rapt at the door; Jon and Sansa looked at each other startled before he addressed the person on the other side “Come in” They sat up as Robb walked into the room, eyes wide with worry and a frown on his forehead.

“What is it?” Jon asked

Robb took a deep breath and handed Jon a piece of parchment “This came from King’s landing today; I got one too, they’re from Queen Lyanna”

Jon’s eyes read the words on the paper as he felt the cold dread on his stomach once again, except this time there was a reason for it.

Everything was about to crumble down around him.


	10. Time to deliver

**_“Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man conscious of guilt”_ **

**_Plautus_ **

_Your brother is alive._

_Your brother is alive._

The words burned on his brain as he watched the waves hit the ship; the breeze caressed his face and the salty smell of the ocean filled his nostrils as he leaned against the railing on the deck. The moment he read the words his mother had wrote on the parchment he had stormed out of his chambers and ordered everything to be ready for their trip back to King’s Landing, it seemed that their quiet lovely time in Dragonstone had reached its end and it pained him dearly to realize it.

Sansa had been wanting to speak with him ever since that letter arrived three weeks ago but he had found ways to avoid her, claiming to be occupied or entertaining himself with anything he could. He didn’t want to see her face, to analyze the emotions in there, to think that every time he had touched her in the past he had been touching his brother’s woman.

She was meant to be Aegon’s wife and he had taken her for himself, put three babes in her belly and took comfort on her body when it wasn’t his place to do it so. If the guilt haunted him before now it was stronger than ever.

He was also haunted by questions. How was it possible for his brother to be alive after they had been so sure about his death? Where he had been all that time? Why he never contacted them?

His head started to throb as he tried to wrap his mind around every single question that popped in when he felt something tugging at the hem of his shirt. His eyes moved down and a smile appeared on his lips when he saw the blue eyes of his daughter staring at him.

“My little Lya” He cooed at the time he took the small child into his arms, she smiled at him showing her the small dimples on her cheeks before she threw her arms around his neck, her auburn curls blowing in the wind as he held her into his arms “My little wolf” Jon felt his throat clogging with emotion as he breathed in the soft lavender smell of his daughter’s hair.

Jon loved all of his children in equal measure but he couldn’t deny that the little girl had him wrapped around her finger; she always seemed to know when he needed a hug or a kiss and the way she looked up at him made him feel like the most powerful man in the world.

“She’s been sad” The soft voice of his wife made him turn around to stare into her eyes “She picks up on emotions and she has felt you withdrawing from us” Sansa had her hair styled in a simple plaited braid and was wearing a deep blue sleeveless dress, she was a vision and he hated the part of himself that desire her so strongly even now.

“I haven’t been-“

“Don’t try to diminish this Jon” Her stony eyes bored into his and he almost wanted to smile at the fierceness in them, to many Sansa appeared to be the softest of ladies but he knew of the fire that burned inside her “You’re worrying my love” She walked closer to him and raised her hand to caress his cheek while their daughter still lay with her face hidden on his neck.

“How could I not Sansa?” His voice was dripping with despair as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. How could he explain to her that he felt like a usurper? That he had taken everything that was his brother’s birthright and that now that it was his time to step aside again he didn’t know how to feel.

“Everything will be fine Jon” Her voice was like a balm against his wounds and when he felt her leaning into his arms he couldn’t refuse her anymore “I won’t let anything change, I promise” He nodded before kissing her forehead softly, tightening his arms around both of his girls and wishing for the Gods to forgive him for the great sins he had committed.

A couple of days afterwards when they descended into the Red Keep and he saw his brother’s violet eyes light up with happiness he felt as if someone had stabbed him across the chest, he looked older and thinner but he was still the same man who had played with him when he was a child.

When his arms went around his now broad frame and he heard the melodic voice he thought forever lost he felt as if another blade was piercing into his skin, because there was so much joy in Aegon’s voice, because his brother didn’t know everything that had been lost in his absence, everything that now belonged to Jon.

And when he saw Aegon take Sansa into his arms and the tears glistening in her blue eyes he swore this was the gods punishment because nothing had ever hurt more than to see things the way they were supposed to be, to realize he had been living a lie and that life was finally at his doorstep to collect everything he stole almost seven years ago.


	11. Our story

“Even if I knew how this would end, I would still read out story again and again”

**-Jessica Kattoff-**

**.**

**.**

His eyes were trained on the lean figure of his brother as he argued with his father. They were locked down in the King’s solar and had been there for the last hour as Aegon told once more the story of his disappearance. Apparently after the burglars thought he was dead they left him in the shore where a pair of Pentoshi merchants found him and nursed his wounds, Aegon hadn’t remember a thing about who he was and a Magister named Ilyrio Mopatis had took him in and that’s where he had been until a year ago when his memories came back and he started planning his return.

Jon wasn’t sure why but he found that story to be extremely too weird and knew his father thought the same but he was too glad to have his son back that he was willing to overlook everything. Magister Ilyrio had travelled back with his brother and Jon wondered if perhaps the old man was going to ask something of his father in exchange for delivering his son. Why Rhaegar hadn’t executed him after finding out he had his son for so long without breathing a word was beyond his knowledge.

“I cannot believe you did that” Aegon shouted at his father and Jon saw the vein on his father’s forehead throbbing violently as it did when he was losing his patience “How dare you!”

“What did you want me to do?” The king asked, his voice steady and hard but not hiding the anger that was consuming him at the moment “Disowned the girl? Send her away when we promised her to be Queen?”

Aegon’s face grew hard and a mad look crossed his eyes “But she would not be Queen now, won’t she father?” A corner of his lips curled in a snarl “Or you plan to take that away from me too? My crown, my birth right?”

Jon’s face paled and his blood ran cold at the implications on his brother’s words. Sansa had married him because it was promised to her she would be Queen one day and now, now she was to be nothing but a princess, everything she ever dreamed would be ripped out of her hands.

“Do not speak nonsenses Aegon”

“It wouldn’t be surprising you know?” The blonde prince spat “Everyone here knows you love him more than me and my sister”

Rhaegar took a deep breath as if he needed time to compose himself “You know that is not true my son” His violet eyes sad and weary as he stared into his son’s.

“Isn’t it?” Aegon moved closer to his father “Isn’t it true you never truly loved my mother? That we were born out of duty” Ice drenched from his words, his fists balling at his sides “That you let that northern whore into your bed while my mother lay dying!”

Jon felt his blood boiling at the words but before he could react the King had taken the young prince by the throat and pushed him into the wall, Ser Arthur Dayne who had been silently standing in the corner moved to stop the King but Rhaegar waved him away with his other hand.

 “I don’t ever, ever want to hear you badmouthing my wife again” He snarled into his son’s face “You do not speak of things you do not know Aegon, I never disrespected your mother” Rhaegar released the boy who took his hands to his throat while he stared at his father in complete outrage “Now take your face away from my sight Aegon, we’ll speak later”

The young prince walked to the door with heavy angry steps but before he could walk out of the room he turned around and looked straight at his father “I want my bride back. You promised me Sansa and I want her back” His purple eyes went to Jon and looked at him filled with contempt before he walked out slamming the door behind him.

Rheagar sighed as he dropped himself into his chair “You won’t do as he says, right father?” Jon asked, fear crawling at his insides.

“Of course not Jon” He muttered as he dropped his face into his hands. Still too stunned to say more Jon rose up from his chair and left his father’s solar without uttering another word.

* * *

Jon sat on a chair as he stared straight into the fire, a cup of ale on his hands and wearing nothing but his breeches. The light of the fire bathed his naked chest in light and Sansa felt the familiar pull in the pit of her stomach as she stared at him.

“Are you in need of something my lady?” His expression was serious but Sansa could detect the teasing tone on his voice.

“Maybe” She answered as she moved further into the room, her smile disappearing when she saw the frown on his forehead “What troubles you my dear?” She asked before lowering herself into his lap.

Jon sighed as placed the ale on the table next to him and wrapped his arms around her slender frame; his face went to rest of her chest as her hands ran through the curls of his had “Everything worries me sweetling” He didn’t want to tell her about his brother’s words, didn’t want to acknowledge they were haunting him even now. That the mere thought of losing her was enough to render him useless with fear.

“You don’t have to worry for anything” She said softly and he raised his head to stare into her eyes, love and gentleness shone in them and he wondered briefly if she regretted marrying him or if she had thought about the fact now she would never get to be queen “Everything will be fine Jon, stop worrying” She traced the lines on his brow with her fingers and leaned down to place a kiss on his forehead as she felt his hands moving inside her dress.

“I need you” He whispered in the half darkened room as he traced the planes of her body with his hands “I need you so badly” Perhaps he was damning himself more than he already had but he needed to feel her close, to know there was a part of her he owned and no one else did.

“Then take me” She breathed out and threw her head back as his mouth went to kiss her chest “Take it all Jon” Her hands fisted his hair at the nape of his neck as he worked her up with his lips and his fingers.

That night they made love with abandon, as if they feared something bad was lurking around the corner and they had to cherish every moment together.


	12. Life is pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Sorry for any mistakes, remember I'm not a native english speaker

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

**-William Goldman-**

 

A cup of ale was on his hand as he leaned against the stone cold wall and felt the humid air caress his face and blow his hair. His eyes were trained on the sea in front of him and his mind was lost in remembrance of the earlier meeting he had been submitted to.

_“She was meant to be my wife” His brother nearly shouted as that vein on his forehead which resembled his father’s popped out and threatened to burst open “She was meant to be Queen and now you’ve made her nothing more than another Targaryen princess” Jon had felt Rhaenys stiffen next to him and a feeling of hatred started taking root in the pit of his stomach “She deserves what was promised, what was taken away from both of us”_

_King Rhaegar has scrubbed his hand across his face and sighed as he gave his eldest son a look of disapproval “She is wedded Aegon, to your brother. They have three children together”_

_“And I’ve already given a solution to all of that!” The silver haired man threw his hands up in outrage._

_Jon felt the blood on his veins boiling up; his hands trembled in anger as he fixed his brother with a fiery glare “You are insane if you believe I will allow that”_

_“You should stop being selfish Jon” Aegon bit out “Sansa was promised to be Queen one day, let her be. She loved me, you know that” Jon had hated the part of himself that had hesitated, that wondered if perhaps what his brother was telling was right. If maybe Sansa deserved everything that was taken away when his brother disappeared “Don’t you agree Lady Stark?” The cold violet eyes moved towards the elder woman “Don’t you think it will be the right thing to do?”_

_Catelyn Stark appeared shocked to be asked the question so directly, her eyes moved towards her Lord husband for a second before returning to the young prince “I believe my daughter was promised to be Queen but she has a family now and family is always first”_

_The argument continued for another half an hour, in that time no one could find a solution or placate Aegon on his decision; Jon had never felt angrier or utterly filled with despair._

Could his brother be right? Would Sansa be happier if he stepped aside and let her have the future she always dreamed about? The idea of letting go of her made him feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest and yet if it was what she desired… he would do it without blinking.

“Don’t do this”

Jon sighed at the sound of the voice of his elder sister, his head moved slightly to stare at her who was now standing next to him. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head and a beautiful yellow dress graced her body “Do what?” Jon asked

“Doubt yourself” She answered softly “You know I love my brother and I’m extremely grateful to have him back but his being petty lately, what he asks of you is unconceivable”

Jon nodded as he moved his eyes back to the vast sea in front of him “But what if he’s right? What if I’m taking Sansa’s chance to have what she always wanted”

Rhaneys chuckled “I don’t love my husband Jon, it’s impossible to do it when he feels no desire for me nor I for him. When he prefers to be in the company of Renly Baratheon than in mine” Jon’s eyes turned hard as he listened to his sister’s words and what they meant “But I care for him and he does for me, there’s another kind of love between us. We have two wonderful children together”

“I see your point”

“No you don’t” She stated as she gripped his arm “Do you remember my feelings towards your cousin?” Jon felt his heart clenching at her words, not so long ago he and his sister had experienced the same kind of pain it came from loving the wrong person

“Of course I do”

“Well I can tell you without hesitation that at the moment I wouldn’t change my life for one at his side” Her lips curved in a smile “Because I am happy Jon, my children make me happy” Jon felt his heart swelling as he moved his eyes to stare into his sister once again “I feel that way and I don’t even love my husband”

“Sansa-“

“Sansa loves you, you idiot” She sounded exasperated and he almost wanted to laugh at the impatient look on her face “Anyone with eyes can see it, don’t let your insecurities get in the way of your happiness” Rhaenys leaned towards him and he crossed his arm behind her back, bringing her to him “I love you little brother” Jon chuckled at this and she loved the feel of his chest vibrating underneath her ear.

“I love you too Rhy” He kissed her forehead and they remained staring into the sea for many more minutes.

* * *

Sansa was strolling through the gardens alone when he approached her. His smile was wide and his purple eyes shone with delight as he came to her. The years had changed his features and every day he resembled his father more, he was the most handsome man she had ever seen but there was something eerie about him, something Sansa hadn’t seen before.

“My lady” He bowed his head and offered her his arm so they could stroll together, not seeing any harm in accepting his offer Sansa took his arm. This was the man she was to marry, the man she had loved so deeply in the past. It seemed unbelievable to her now to think about that time, to her it felt like it had been part of another life.

“How are you finding King’s Landing Aegon?” She asked him softly

The prince shrugged as his eyes seemed to be lost ahead of them “Different”

Sansa swallowed hard “I imagine it must be hard”

“It is my lady” He said nodding “Specially seeing everything that was taken away from me” Sansa closed her eyes in shame, she knew there was nothing to be ashamed of for she believed him to be dead but there was a part of her that hurt from thinking she had hurt him.

“Aegon-“

“No, Sansa do not apologize” He squeezed her arm softly “I know it wasn’t your doing. You did not have a choice my love”

“I never intended to harm you” She said looking down “I didn’t know-“

“I understand Sansa” They reached one of the stone benches that were placed strategically to be facing the ocean and he asked for her to sit down. He took her hands and stared into her eyes as he spoke “But what if I told you we could have everything we lost, back”

A chill ran down her spine at his words “What do you mean?”

“Marry me Sansa”

“I am wedded to your brother Aegon” She stated firmly

He laughed softly as it her concerns were nothing but childish things “And father is King Sansa. Jon would go to Dragonstone with his children, he could remarry there. Maybe with Arianne Martell now that she is a widow, they had something in the past and she came here a couple of days ago”

Sansa felt all the blood leaving her body at his words. Her eyes filled with tears but she bit her lip and refused them to let them fall “What?”

“He would be happy Sansa, living the simple life he always wanted” His hands squeezed hers and she found herself wanting to pull back “You and I could have more children Sansa, we could have everything that was promised to us”

Once upon a time his words would have caused her heart to explode with joy, how much she longed for him to come back, to be with her and give her the silver haired babes she desired for so long and now that she had the chance she no longer wanted for such things.

“Aegon I can’t-“

His violet eyes bore into her blue ones “I know it’s a lot to take in but please just consider it”

“Does Jon know about it?” She asked breathlessly; almost afraid of hearing his answer.

“Of course. Your mother and father too, they’re all considering the best choice”

“Best choice…” She whispered.

They stood up and resumed their walk but Sansa wanted nothing more than to run away, she no longer felt comfortable being next to Aegon knowing what he wanted but above all she was burning with madness and hurt thinking that Jon had betrayed her in the worst way possible.

When she was finally able to excuse herself she searched for Jon all over the keep but was unable to find him. She did find Arianne Martell who tried to approach her but Sansa was having none of it; two hours passed before she stormed back into his solar and found he had returned already.

“How dare you?” She shouted as she slammed the door behind her, he had been looking outside the window and turned around with a look of concern when he heard her.

“Sansa what is wrong?” His voice was so soft and his face so handsome that Sansa felt herself breaking all over again.

“I thought I meant more to you Jon” Her voice broke down as she could no longer hold the tears that been threatening to fall since earlier in the day “I really thought we had something real”

He looked distressed as he moved towards her, his hand rising in the air as if to touch her “I have no idea what you’re talking about”

“How convenient!” Sansa bit out as she smacked his hands away from her “When you were going to tell me? When I was in front of the Septon about to be handed over once again so you could take my children away and raise them with that dornish whore!” Her face was red from the anger, each of her words dripping with venom as she spoke.

Understanding downed on him as she spoke and never before he cursed his brother with more strength that at the moment “Things aren’t as you think”

“Then how are they Jon?” She asked, her face contorted in pain as the tears fell “You were just about to give me up without fighting”

He shook his head vehemently, moving closer to her once again “Sansa I-“

She took a step back “You’ve broken my heart Jon… you’ve broken my heart” She whispered the words before whirling around and leaving the room.

He dropped himself in a chair in utter defeat, he didn’t go behind her as he was meant to because he could not find in him any strength, not anymore. His brother had drained everything out of him and he feared he was destroying everything good he once had.


	13. Some by virtue fall

“Well Heaven forgive him, and forgive us all

Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.

Some run from breaks of ice, and answer none,

And some condemned for one fault alone”

 

**William Shakespeare**

 

She was sitting on the ledge of one of the hallway windows overlooking the vast sea behind her, the hallway was silent except from the echo of the laughter of the child she was holding, she smiled down at the toddler in her lap as he twisted in delight while she tickled him; an overwhelming sense of dread settled on her chest when she imagined being parted for him, from her children. They were the thing she loved the most in the world and knew she wouldn’t survive if someone decided to take them away from her.

With tear filled eyes she lifted the small body of her only silver haired child and drew him to her chest, his soft babbles of happiness made the ache in her chest grow as she rocked him softly.

“My sweet dragon” She murmured to him as she caressed the soft pale hair on his head “My baby”

The sound of footsteps made her lift her eyes and found another pair of blue eyes similar to hers staring back “Why do you look so sad my dear?” The soft voice of her brother said as he walked slowly towards her.

“Haven’t you heard? Jon means to take my children away” She bit out angrily and saw a frown appear on her brother’s forehead.

“What do you mean?” He sat down next to her, his hand rising to caress the soft hair on her son’s head. Sansa felt some of the tension leave her body just with being around her brother, he had always been her protector and knew without a doubt he would help her if she asked him to.

“Aegon told me he wants to marry me and send my children to Dragonstone so Jon can raise them with Arienne Martell” Robb’s blue eyes widened at her words “Jon knows about this and so do mother and father”

“For all the Gods!” He barked, outrage etched on his face as he looked at his sister.

“They’re considering it! Can you believe this Robb?” Sansa nearly shouted, her cheeks red from the anger crawling inside her skin “Jon wants to leave me and take my children with him”

Robb looked doubtfully at his sister while he shook his head “I do not believe this Sansa”

“Don’t you?” She asked as she closed the body of her nearly sleeping child to her chest “He never truly wanted to marry me”

Robb sighed “Sansa you know he felt things for you since you were betrothed to Aegon, Jon loved you even then”

Sansa shook her head, eyes welling with tears “How do we know that’s true? Because he told us so?” She still remembered the moment Jon told her he had loved her since she was to be his brother’s wife, she had believed him and they had made love that night for hours, now she could only believe he had lied to her “Why never mention anything then? He only married me out of duty”

Robb gave her a stern look “That’s not fair Sansa; you know that’s not fair” The oldest Stark child knew how much his cousin had suffered for the love he had for his sister, he knew he had longed to be her husband since long before he actually married her so of course he couldn’t believe he was willing to let her go so easily.

“I hate him Robb” She gritted out. Anger like he never seen before flashing in her eyes, he could also see dark circles under them and knew she wasn’t in her right mind. Sansa hadn’t been sleeping right and that was already taking its toll on her.

“I don’t think you’re being rational at the moment” He told her softly, his hand squeezing her knee over the material of her dress “I don’t think Jon means to-“

“And why is that Dornish whore walking around our halls already?” She nearly shrieked, startling the sleeping child in her arms “Don’t you think I know she was the first woman in his life? What they had together?” She whispered while she rocked her child, trying to get him to sleep once again.

“Sansa-“

“He’s crazy if he believes I would let him get rid of me that easily” She snapped, ignoring her brother’s attempts to calm her down “Will you help me Robb? Will you help me keep my children?” Tears fell from her eyes as she looked at her brother.

Robb sighed sadly and pulled her into his arms “Of course sweetling, I would never let them take your babes away from you” He kissed her forehead softly as he hugged her.

“I hate them all” She sobbed against his chest “All”

* * *

Jon sighed before closing his book with a thud and dropping his head into his hands, he had been hiding in the library for the last hours and though he wanted to stay here forever he knew he had to face reality sooner or later. The decision of when was made out for him when Arianne Martell walked into the room, head held high and dark curls bouncing around her.

“You are such an idiot”

His head shot upwards and he glared at her “Pardon me?”

She huffed as she crossed her arms and sat on the chair opposite him “I just saw your wife crying in the arms of her brother because you aren’t man enough to defend yourself”

Jon’s nostrils flared at the accusation “Excuse me? I tried to talk with her and she was having none of it”

“The poor woman is in distress you idiot of course she wasn’t going to hear you but that doesn’t mean you need to stop insisting” Arianne rolled her eyes at him as if that was information he supposed to have already.

Jon snorted “You women are just too hard to understand”

“No we’re not” She retorted playfully before her expression turned serious “You can’t let your brother get away with it”

“You think father will ever allow that?” Jon said with a sardonic laugh “He’s not stupid and Aegon knows this which is why he’s trying to stir conflict between Sansa and I”

Arianne huffed once again, making him girth his teeth in response “Oh he isn’t trying, he already did”

Jon looked at her with suspicion “How did you-?”

“I heard the entire conversation between Sansa and Robb” She said diminishing his concern with the wave of her hand and shrugged at the accusative look on his face “What? I’m noisy. And since I’m noisy I can tell you this, back in Pentos your brother enjoyed the company of a woman named Seline, Seline the fierce” Jon chuckled and she smiled back at him “I don’t pick the nicknames”

Jon placed his forearms on the table as he leaned forward “What with this?”

“He also enjoyed her company when he was betrothed to Sansa” Her words were slow and measured as if she wanted to make sure he understood what she was saying “How is that a man who doesn’t even know his own name can still maintain relationship with a woman he met here”

“You believe-?”

“Come on you must realize his story is pure shit” The girl said as if she was stating something obvious “Who could have found him and take him away instead of returning him to the king knowing how much benefit they could get”

Jon frowned, he knew that the story his brother told wasn’t completely convincible but he also didn’t believe Aegon could have gone through all that trouble just for some woman named Seline “You think he did all that for a woman?” He voiced his doubts “That is insane”

The corners of the dornish woman lips turned up in a sly smile “You seem to forget your father almost started a war when he broke the betrothal of your mother and Robert Baratheon” Jon’s jaw clenched with the comment, knowing fully well his father had done something that couldn’t be considered honorable “Men always do stupid things for women”

Jon seemed to muse on her words for a moment before sighing and leaning back on his chair “I- how do you know all of this?”

“I’m noisy; I’ve made my business to know this since I learned of the return of my beloved cousin” Her dark eyes bore into his as she stared at him  “You need to snap up Jon, learn how to play this game and beat your brother at it, or lose your family and everything you’ve worked so hard to get”

Their conversation was cut short when one of Arianne’s ladies walked inside with a fuzzing babe, the dark haired princess had married a Dornish Knight she loved deeply a couple of years ago and he had died four months earlier, meaning the child now in her arms was the only memory she had of him “Don’t let him beat you Jon, you cannot break apart a mother from her children” She whispered before kissing the olive skin on her child’s forehead.

Long after she had gone, Jon decided to step out of the library and head in direction of the chamber he shared with his wife. The night had fallen already and a humid wind seethed through the windows; he opened the door of the room and found the fire crackling softly in the hearth while his wife lay on her side, curled around the small body of their little Lyarra while they both slept soundlessly.

Little Aemon too was sleeping calmly on his crib and Jon guessed their eldest son was on an about following Robb somewhere since he appeared to live as his namesake shadow whenever he visited them.

Jon walked towards the bed and kneeled next to his sleeping wife, the light from the hearth casted shadows across her face and Jon felt a surge so strong of love towards her as he watched her. His hand rose to caress her cheek and she stirred briefly.

“I will fix this Sansa, I promise” He vowed to her for he was not going to let them take her and their family away.


	14. I cannot live without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cannot live without"

Her steps came to a halt when she saw the two figures leaning towards each other, voices murmured as if to conceal the great secret which they were talking about, she had been walking towards the gardens when she spotted them; the blood in her veins burned at the sight and her hands fisted at her sides in response.

Sansa had been tossing and turning into her bed unable to sleep because her head refused to shut down, when she realized three hours since she went to bed had passed she stood up and threw a robe around her and decided to take a bit of fresh air.

That’s when she found them.

A shaky intake of breath left her throat and his hazel eyes rose to the sound, a frown appeared on his forehead and she swirled around in the direction she had come from. She could hear his footsteps following but she didn’t dare to stop for she wished to be as far away from him and that woman as was possible.

“Sansa!” He shouted after her but she did not stop, mere seconds afterwards she felt his cold hand wrapping itself around her slender wrist before he pulled her body towards his “Stop running, you will listen to me this time”

“I will not” She threw the words at his face and felt his grip on her arm tightening in response.

He moved his head closer to hers and spoke between gritted teeth “Do not act childish Sansa”

Her nostrils flared and red spots appeared on her cheeks “How dare you say that to me?”

“Because that’s exactly what you are being” He bit out before taking a deep breath and dragging her a few steps further until they were in front of the doors of their chambers “Will you just listen to me a moment?”

She glared at him “Haven’t you done enough?”

He sighed before throwing open door and getting inside the room “Apparently not because you still refuse to believe me” His hands gripped her shoulders as he placed her body in front of his “And why is that you chose to believe so easily on my brother but not on me?” And underlying fury was brewing inside him, his eyes were stormy as he stared at her and she was taken a back at the sight for Jon was generally a very calm man.

“Because I’ve-“

His hands pulled her body closer to his “Because you still love him?” His breath fanned across her face and she shivered at the flames that burned in his eyes.

She shook her head violently “What? No!”

She tried to pull away from him but he didn’t let her, instead he moved his hands towards her waist and pressed his body against hers “Because let me tell you something Sansa you are my wife and there is no way I’ll give you to him” There was a frantic need in his voice she hadn’t heard before and she didn’t know whether to feel afraid or exhilarated, she believed that perhaps she was feeling both “Mine”

His lips descended towards her neck and her body shivered at the touch of his tongue against the tender flesh, his hands gripped her by the waist and his erection pressed against her leg “Stop it Jon” She murmured halfheartedly.

He growled low on his throat “Why? Now that he’s back you don’t want me anymore” His hands were gripping her to the point of bruising but he didn’t seem to notice, this was a side of him Sansa had never seen before and frankly she had no idea how to handle him.

“You’re being irrational” She protested

“Am I?” Jon said as he pulled away from her slightly “Because you seem to believe everything he says instead of me”

Sansa felt the irrational anger return to her body as she shouted at him “And you seem to confide her with this you won’t tell me”

“Because you refuse to listen to me!” He shrieked in response “You’ve created this notion of Arianne and me sharing this great love story when It isn’t like that” There was so much confusion and helplessness on his face that Sansa felt herself softening at the sight.

“But she was the first woman in your life” She whispered, anger ebbing away from her body slowly.

Jon sighed and once again pulled her towards his body “But you’re the only one that matters” His arms went around her waist and the side of his face pressed against hers, the stubble of his beard scratching her in the most delicious of ways “Don’t deny me Sansa” He told her and she knew without a doubt that the fight against him had been lost.

“I hate you” She murmured and he chuckled in response.

“No, you don’t” His lips kissed her cheek softly “You are mine sweet girl, all mine” His nose touched hers playfully and a small smile played on her lips at the act.

“Promise?”

“Of course, I will never let them take you away from me”

Sansa raised her hands and fisted his dark curls in them “I love you Jon” She whispered, their mouths inches apart from each other.

“Say that again” He breathed out

“I love you”

He kissed her then; not softly as he did so many times but urgent, his tongue went inside her mouth and searched for its partner to dance. His hands tore open the robe she was wearing as hers worked on his jerkin and pants.

His mouth left her lips and went to work on her neck, his tongue tracing every inch of skin it could find, his hands groped her breast through the thin material of her chemise before he lost all control and tore the clothing from her body.

He bare skin glowed under the light of the hearth as he lowered them both into the ground, her body straddled him and they both hissed when he slipped inside her tightness; she threw hear back until the ends of her hair caressed the skin of his thighs and his hand found her hips, a bruising grip on them as she rode him.

His eyes watched her in awe, breasts bouncing as she moved up and down. She was a vision, a Goddess and he would die before letting his brother take her away from his side.

It wasn’t long before he was spilling inside, her walls contracting around him and she robbed of everything he had to give. Sansa collapsed on top of his chest, skin sweaty and cold at the same time, his arms went around her and they remained intertwined as their hearts tried to regain their composure.

It was many minutes afterwards while they were still lying on the floor with a sheet around their naked bodies that he opened up to her “Aegon came with that plan and presented it to my father”

Her hand was tracing patters across his chest as she spoke “Why didn’t you tell me when he did?”

He huffed “Because I knew father would never allow it, it is insane. And…” His voice trailed off and she could feel the thumping of his heart speeding up “I feared-“

“Feared what?”

“You might want to accept” He whispered into the darkened night.

Sansa remained in silence for a few seconds, startled that he could think something like that after so many years together “How could you think that?” She asked as she rose her head from his chest, her red hair fell across her breasts as she rested her head on top of her right hand and stared at him.

He sighed “You always dreamed of being queen Sansa, of marrying the golden prince and having golden haired babies and this might be your last opportunity” His eyes went to the hearth behind her rather than to her blue eyes which were looking at him intently “With Aegon back I will never be king”

Her left hand moved towards his face, demanding his stare to meet hers again “And how little do you know me Jon? I already married a prince and have children with all kinds of hair… and I don’t give a damn about being Queen”

He swallowed, his hearth inflaming with a hope he didn’t want to feel “Truly?”

She smiled sadly at him “I was perfectly happy back in Dragonstone with nothing but us and the children playing around, in fact I wished your father could live eternally so we could stay there forever” Her hand was now caressing the curls on his head and he almost wanted to purr at the sensation of her hands on him and the meaning of the words she spoke.

“I love you” He whispered, voice charged with emotion and glassy eyes.

She smiled before leaning down and touching her nose to his “I love you more”

“Impossible” He answered before kissing her lips chastely. Sansa rewarded him with another smile before returning to her original position, with her head on his chest.

“There’s something sketchy about him right?” She asked after a few minutes of silence.

She felt Jon nodding as he exhaled “That’s what I was talking about with Arianne, she discovered he was with a woman there, with a woman with whom he was also in his time here” He was almost afraid to say the last part since he knew it probably would hurt Sansa to know his brother had been unfaithful to her while they were still together but she didn’t seem to take notice of the fact and something inside him eased.

“You think he left for a girl?” She asked skeptically.

Jon made a low sound in his throat and tightened his arms around her “I think he left to elude responsibility but I don’t have anything to back me up” Jon had been thinking about his brother’s action for too long and realized a lot of signs had been there but they hadn’t been able to see them.

Back in the day Aegon relegated more and more responsibilities and liked to sneak around a lot, Jon and Rhaenys always thought he ran with girls, they were probably right but never imagine he ran with just one girl.

And if he had left for her and to live without the responsibilities of the realm. Why had he come back?

“Will you tell your father?” Sansa’s question brought him back from his mind “It would break his heart”

_It certainly would._

“I know sweet girl but how can I allow it when he’s trying to mess with us?” Jon had never once thought about question his brother or his motives but when he targeted his family, he couldn’t let him get away with it “When he is to be the next King and have responsibilities”

Jon did not wish for Kingship but couldn’t bear to think of the realm and everything his father had created to fall into the hands of a man who cared for nothing except himself.

“That is true” She said softly before exhaling deeply “I can’t believe everything’s turned out to be such a nightmare” She buried her face against his chest and he started caressing her hair, she loved to feel his hands on her and honestly she couldn’t believe she had gone so long without them.

Jon was everything to her next to her children and she hated to think someone could tear them apart, in that moment Sansa vowed to never let anything as stupid as miscommunication to create a breach between them ever again.

“It’ll all be okay in the end, I promise” He whispered as he continued his caress on her skin, she felt the weight of nights of lost sleep crawling into her. Her breath evened out and a small smile appeared on his lips when he realized she was falling asleep “Sleep well sweet girl”

“Sleep well my love” Sansa murmured before succumbing to the tiredness and the blissful land of dreams.

 


	15. It burns and consumes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.

 

Her hand was linked through his as they walked the length of the gardens; blooms of all colors stared down at her and she tried to smile as she breathed in their lovely scents.

“You are quiet today my lady” Aegon’s words made her head snap to his violet eyes which were staring at her curiously.

She smiled for him “It is nothing, I just had trouble sleeping” Sansa answered because of course she wasn’t going to tell him she and Jon had spent almost all night awake trying to piece his story and all the flaws there were to it.

“Have you given any thought to my proposal?” Aegon’s fingers traced softly circles in the back of her hand and she wanted to flinch at the contact, how much things had changed since those years where all she wished was a smile from the man next to her.

“I have” Sansa said as she stopped walking, her blue eyes bore into his violet ones “And I am afraid I cannot accept it” Disappointment flickered in his eyes and a sad smile appeared on his lips.

“I imagined you will say that” He sat down in one of the stone benches that were placed strategically all over the place, his shoulders hunched and his eyes were lost in the sea that extended before them “I had to try I guess”

Sansa sighed as she sat down next to him “May I be frank with you?” She asked and continued when he nodded with his head “Why me Aegon? Don’t get me wrong but when we were betrothed you seemed to care little for me” She told him softly “Thought that didn’t stop me from loving you”

Aegon sighed softly as he stared at her with a guilt ridden expression “It wasn’t like that Sansa, I did care for you but I was young and stupid… I thought I was the greatest thing to ever happen to this world and I wanted all” An emotion she couldn’t name took hold of his expression “…and now is too late”

“I’m sorry” She whispered as she saw him; Aegon had always been a vivacious person, he was gallant and outgoing but since his return Sansa had observed in him some of that old melancholy that shone in Rheagar’s eyes every once in a while “What was it like?” She asked and his eyes moved back to her immediately.

“What was?”

“Your life in outside of these walls”

He seemed uncomfortable with the question and she noticed it in the way he tapped his hand against his knee “It was fun, I believe” He answered “I helped Ilyrio with his commerce but didn’t really have any responsibility”

“You liked it there?”

“I suppose I did” He looked at her but his eyes were focused behind her, he wasn’t able to stare straight into his eyes “But I always felt like something was missing, I had this dreams about another life and one day I woke up and I knew that it was my true life”

Sansa nodded as she tried to absorb and make sense of his words, truth was there was very little that was coherent in what he was saying “And Ilyrio never intended to bring you back?”

Aegon’s head moved back towards the sea, his posture was stiff and Sansa could tell she was making him uncomfortable with her line of questioning “Since I didn’t remember a thing he didn’t want to take chances, didn’t want to upset me. I grew to be like a son to him” To her ears his voice sounded mechanical, as if he had rehearsed the speech many times over “When I arrived to his shore I was barely recognizing because the state those tugs let me in”

_But you have silver hair and purple eyes_ She wanted to say but decided not to push her luck too much. “I’m sure you’re happy to be home again” She decided to say instead.

“I am” His eyes looked at her once more as he raised his hand to stroke her cheek “I just wish I had come sooner” Sansa’s blue eyes looked down and his hand dropped from her face.

“Isn’t any other girls Aegon?” She said softly, trying to be careful with her words for she did not wished for him to be suspicious of her “I’m sure many will kill to be your wife”

His eyes acquired a sadness she hadn’t seen in him before and her heart clenched for him, he was in pain and she wanted to learn why “No, there are no other girls” A mask appeared to fall on his face and his entire demeanor changed, he smiled and once again was that vivacious man she had grown to love back in the day “Come on, let’s continue our walk” He stood up and offered his hand to her “I still want us to be friends”

“Of course” Sansa took hold of his offering hand and resumed their walk; she wasn’t able to erase that sadness she had seen in him of her mind during the whole day.

* * *

His hand gripped the cup of ale he was holding as his gaze travelled over the two people walking in the gardens with their arms intertwined. The silver haired man whispered something to her and she threw her head back in joyous laughter.

“Calm down” Robb Stark said across from him on the table where they were currently sitting. The elder Stark had decided to prolong his stay in King’s Landing and knowing he was of their full trust Sansa and Jon had let him on their doubts about Aegon story.

“How can I?” Jon asked through gritted teeth “Look at her… look at her smile”

Robb chuckled “Jon, Sansa is a great performer and right now we want her to extract every bit of information she can”

Jon tore his eyes away from the laughing couple and focused on his cousin instead; never before he had felt such a burning jealousy cursing through him, it had been different when she was to marry his brother; he had been the good brother, stayed quiet even when he knew Aegon did not deserved her but now, now she was his and he couldn’t help the fire that threatened to burst free.

“I hope it is worth it” Jon muttered before downing more of the liquid in his cup.

“Do you truly believe him capable of leaving all of this behind because of some girl?” Robb asked with true curiosity, knowing Aegon it seemed unlikely that he had decided to do that but stranger things had happened before so they had to be open to anything.

“I don’t know anything anymore” Jon answered “I honestly believe him capable of anything” His eyes moved back towards his wife and his stomach soured at the pretty picture she presented next to his brother.

After that Robb convinced him to go with the boys to train so he could clear his mind and keep his thoughts away from Sansa and her task at hand; after that he was summoned by his father to attend some affairs and by the time he was able to release himself from his occupations night had fallen already.

He was grumpy, tired and frustrated so when he walked inside his chambers and found his wife carefully brushing her hair in the boudoir he couldn’t control himself, he marched towards her with heavy steps and pulled her up by the shoulders.

Her blue eyes looked at him with confusion “Jon, what is the matter?” She barely had time to utter the words before he was taking her mouth on his, lips frantic as they moved against hers.

“I hate it, I hate it” He muttered and she understood what he was referring to, fully comprehending his behavior at the moment. With violent moves he took hold of the front of her nightgown and ripped it apart, leaving her body exposed to his hungry gaze. “You are only mine, only mine” His eyes were dark with desire and hunger; he was looking her with such ferocity she had never seen in him before.

And her body shivered for him.

She fussed with his shirt and managed to undo his breeches enough for him to pull his member out, he was hard as steel and her insides quivered at the sight “Tell me sweet girl, tell me” Sansa moaned as his mouth attacked her neck, his hand gripped her buttocks as he pulled closer to him, her chest rubbing against his in the most delicious of ways.

Sansa always found amusing to realize how she and Jon seemed to be two different people every day; prim, proper and sober when they were with everyone else but when the night fell and the doors of their chambers locked it was like something unleashed inside them and they became mere animals.

“Oh Jon” She gasped when she felt him entering her; he took her by the rear and forced her to wrap her legs around his waist while he pushed her against one of bedposts.

“Sweet girl, I want to hear it” He growled against her neck, his hips moved against her frantically and she knew bruises were to appear on her skin from where he was gripping her but she did not mind, not all.

“I love you Jon” She half moaned the words he wanted to hear as her eyes opened and she found herself staring into the floor length mirror placed in the corner. They played such a vulgar picture at the moment, her nails digging his back and her legs were open in each side of his waist while he pushed in over and over.

At the moment she looked no better than a wanton whore and if her mother could see her she would be so ashamed of her but Sansa did not mind, not when her husband was making her body sing.

“Once more” He nipped at her neck before raising his head and forcing her to look into his eyes “Again”

“I love you” Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as his fingers found her secret spot between her legs “I love you” She chanted as he moved her and placed her on the bed, his mouth seeking her breasts and swirling his tongue around her hardened peaks.

“You’re mine” He muttered against her chest as he thrusted hardly into her “Only mine” Jon didn’t understand the possessiveness that overwhelmed him at the moment, he just knew he wanted to mark her, wanted to stop any doubts that might appear on her head. The darkness in him wanted his brother and the entire world to know she belonged to him and only him, wanted the whole castle to hear her screams, wanted his seed to root in her and to create another child. That way no one would dare to doubt she was his and only his.

“Oh Jon!” Sansa threw her head back as her orgasm swept her away; she felt him growing larger inside her and moaned in delight when he felt his hot seed releasing inside her “Oh Gods”  They remained intertwined for a long time after that, until the sweat on their skin cooled off and the beating of their hearts slowed down.

“Mine, just mine” The words kept swirling inside of Jon’s head as his wife drifted away in the safeness of his arms.


	16. Love is something you risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One must live as it would be forever, and as if one might die each moment. Always both at once" Mary Renault

The four of them were locked on Jon and Sansa’s solar. The fire crackled in the hearth warming their bodies against the unusual chill that swept over the city, outside the waves made startling noises as they crashed against the shore and the moon casted an almost magical iridescence over the keep. Sansa sat by the window, her eyes trained on the landscape outside while her husband paced back and forth in front of the door; her brother was sitting on a chair near the fireplace and the Dornish woman she wasn’t entirely sure she liked was sitting right across from him.

 “You truly believe this is the best way to approach this?” The frown on Robb’s face deepened as he started at a troubled Jon.

“Why not?” The other man said shrugging “We have zero to none evidence”

“We have a name” Arianne offered with a wince.

“But that’s all” Jon answered, his hand going to his head and tugging his curls in frustration “We have no proof he faked his death, no proof he wanted to abdicate, no proof of nothing”

Robb shook his head “And you believe he is simply going to accept his faults?”

Jon sighed “No, but I know my brother and once pushed enough he’s going to start flanking, I believe I can make him talk”

“And then what?” Arianne said softly, asking the one thing everyone had been wanting to know but refused to ask.

Jon shrugged “I don’t know” His eyes turned sad and he pressed his forehead against the wall, he knew that uncovering the truth about his brother was going to bring a lot of pain into the realm but what else could do in the face of such events? Wasn’t this the right thing for the people and the kingdom?

“I think he’s regretful” Sansa said in a whisper, speaking for the first time since they all gathered to talk “Whatever it is that he did, he regrets it”

Robb gave Sansa a pointed look “Do not start feeling sorry for him Sansa” Her blue eyes abandoned the landscape outside the window and went to stare into her brother’s “He was playing you”

“You didn’t see the look in his eyes Robb” Sansa sighed sadly “There’s something haunting him”

Jon let out a sardonic laugh as his hardened eyes moved towards his wife “Oh I bet there is” Sansa sighed while regarding Jon’s clenched jaw and the energy that seemed to ooze from his body.

 

 

She knew that the situation with Aegon was affecting him, her body still held notice of the bruises he had marred her skin with after his fit of jealousy, not that she complained but she knew that being in so much stress and worry couldn’t be good for him.

She wanted to see him smile once more.

“Let’s calm down” Arianne say while eyeing the young couple “Why don’t we try it Jon’s way?”

“Because if he’s wrong then our cover will be blown up” Robb said “We lose the upper hand”

Jon shot his cousin a dark look “I won’t fail, I know my brother” His eyes went sad and seemed to be lost somewhere else “I know him” Jon sighed sadly before turning around and storming out of the room to the surprises of the other three people remaining.

“This is going to break him” Arianne said sadly

Sansa’s expression lingered on the door from her husband has stormed off “No, it won’t”

* * *

Sansa’s lips curled into a smile as she watched her older children playing around in the garden with their cousins; little Aemon was sitting on her lap and he clapped excitedly whenever one of the older kids approached them and payed attention to him.

Jon hadn’t gone to bed the night before after their talk with Arianne and Robb and although it hurt her deeply to see him withdrawing she knew he needed his space, he was fighting so many feelings inside him and she could only imagine how overwhelming the experience was for him.

“Is a beautiful sight, isn’t?” The soft velvety voice of the King came from behind her and she twisted her head slightly to see Rhaegar approaching her “Is in moments like this when you realize how precious life truly is” Sansa smiled at him and moved her body slightly to the right so he could sit next to her on the stone bench.

“Indeed it is” She said while she watched her children and placed a soft kiss on her son’s head.

Rhaegar’s attention went to the babe in her lap; he pinched his cheek softly which caused giggles and a shout of delight from the toddler “This one is a Targaryen through and through isn’t he?”

Sansa chuckled “Yes, he is” Of all her children Aemon was the only one who had inherited both the silver hair and purple eyes that characterized the Dragon dynasty.

“Something is concerning Jon” Rhaegar’s words were soft and measured and her eyes snapped instantly to his and found that somber look that used to linger on him all the time “I’m not a stupid man Sansa, I know my son’s story barely adds up but how can I question him?” The young woman smiled sadly at the King “How can I when I am so happy he is alive? When I believed him dead I…”

Sansa’s tightened her arms around her son’s small frame “I understand” She told him honestly for she could only imagine the excruciating pain that would be losing one of her children “Of course I understand”

Rhaegar extended his arms and asked her for the babe, she complied and little Aemon went willingly into the arms of his grandfather “Aegon was always different from my other children” He told her while caressing absently the soft hair on the babe’s head “When Aegon was born I had already met Lyanna… I was already in love with her” He chuckled slightly “Call me crazy but I believe even from a young age he sensed I didn’t love his mother”

“I don’t think-“

“And he always resented me for it” He said sadly “Moreover I believe I never truly got to know him. I never knew who my son was and now I feel so regretful, I regret not sharing a bond with him like I do with Rhaenys and Jon”

“It is not your fault” Sansa said softly

“Oh but it is” He sighed before kissing Aemon’s forehead softly and handing the babe back to his mother “I’m glad you came into Jon’s life Sansa, I’m glad it was him you got to marry”

Sansa extended her hand and squeezed his softly “I am glad too” She gifted him with a small smile and he stood up before leaning down and pressing a kiss onto her forehead and disappearing as suddenly as he had arrived.

The young woman spent the next of the day watching her children play; nothing gave her heart more joy that to see her family together so when night had fallen instead of taking them to their chambers she took them to hers, she didn’t want to feel alone that night. She tucked them into the bed and was in the middle of one of their favorite stories when Jon walked inside.

The minute he spotted his entire family huddled in the bed his lips stretched into a smile, his features softened and he felt his heart swelling with a love so strong it overwhelmed him.

“What a pretty picture” He murmured as he walked further into the room; Sansa’s eyes lifted and they twinkled in delight when she saw him standing there.

“Come here” She said while extending her hand towards him, Jon sighed and walked towards her offering hand.

“I’m sorry” He said as he took her hand and squeezed her. “I’ve been awful” He leaned down and pressed a kiss on her forehead before sitting down and pull her into his arms.

“Father that is gross” Their older son Robb said while scrunching his nose in direction of his parents, Lyarra giggled delighted in response while little Aemon babbled unaware of his surroundings.

“Wait until you grow older my boy” Jon said with a chuckle before kissing Sansa’s lips softly, more disgusted noises giggles followed and Jon felt his heart easing at the sound of his family.

“Can you continue with the story father?” Lyarra asked expectantly, hope shinning in her blue eyes “Mother was about to get to the good part”

“What story are we telling?” He asked Sansa in a whisper

“Queen Naerys and Aemon the Dragonknight” Sansa said

“Oh well, that is one of my favorites”

“Me too!” Lyarra shouted excitedly and Jon gripped her ankle kindly in a show of affection.

“Then maybe you’ll help me finish it”

“Yes!”

“All right then. Well Queen Naerys was the most beautiful woman in the whole kingdom…” Jon and Lyarra’s words mixed together as Sansa rested her head on Jon’s shoulder feeling entirely content for the first time in the last days. A part of her felt sorry for Aegon because he didn’t know what this feeling was, this true happiness that only came from being surrounded by the people you loved.

Sansa stared up at her husband and once again send a couple of grateful words towards the Gods for allowing her to live this moment with this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much all for reading my story! We're already aproching the end.


	17. To have faith is to have wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For to have faith is to have wings" -JM Barry-

Jon walked into the room where Aegon was currently at, the old library which used to be Jon’s favorite seemed to have turned into his brother’s sanctuary. The young silver haired prince had a book on the table in front of him and was hovering over it, seeming completely concentrated on his task at hand. Jon stood at the door; hard hazel eyes fixed on the lean figure in the chair “What?” Aegon asked after a while “You can quit with the staring brother”

Jon crossed his arms over his chest, his posture threatening as he glared at his brother “What was that truly happened?”

A frown appeared on Aegon’s face but he kept his focus on the book in front of him “Pardon me?”

Jon sighed “We both know everything that has come out of your mouth since you returned has been a lie” He wasn’t able to hide the bite on his voice but instead of seemed troubled by it his brother, the other man seemed to enjoy knowing he was making him angry.

The ghost of a smirk formed on the silver haired man’s face “And what makes you think that?”

“Because I know you” Jon said as he stepped away from the door “The real you”

Aegon chuckled as he finally closed the book in front of him and craned his neck to meet his brother’s stare “The real me? You amuse me brother”

“Quit with the lies Aegon” Jon spat “What truly happened and who is Alexandria?”

 “What?” The other man croaked, his face paled considerably and the flinch in his eyes was enough to confirm to Jon that he had been right about his theory, anyone else probably wouldn’t have been able to spot it but he knew his brother like the back of his hand

“Who is Alexandria?” Jon asked once again as he walked towards him with measured steps.

“I have no idea what you are talking about sparrow” Aegon bit out, using the old nickname Jon hated so much. A sparrow; all his life he had been nothing but the spear of the great Aegon Targaryen “So why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone”

“I won’t” Jon said relentlessly, body hovering over his brother’s. Eyes burning with fury as he pinned him to his chair “You think you can come and threaten my family and I will stand by and do nothing?”  He sneered at him “You’re wrong; I’m done sacrificing things for you”

“Sacrificing things for me?” Aegon nearly shouted as he stood up quickly “Everything you have is because you stole it from me, it was all mine!” A vein popped on his forehead as his whole face flushed with anger.

“You abandoned it! And you never wanted it in the first place! You had everything and you took it all for granted” Jon threw at him; memories of the awful way he treated Sansa during their courtship came to his mind and he felt the anger growing in him.

“Shut up” Aegon said as he turned his back on his brother, his hands went to tug on his luscious hair and Jon could see he was already losing his composure.

Jon banged his fist against the grand mahogany desk and snarled “Just confess once and for all, what are you hiding?!”

Aegon turned around, angry purple eyes flaming “I am not hiding anything you little idiot. And you better leave me alone” He hissed

“Or what?” Jon said after releasing a sardonically laugh “What are you going to do, I do not fear you Aegon”

“Maybe you should” He told Jon, face completely serious but the younger brother didn’t even flinch. He was done having considerations for his brother. They remained in silence, staring daggers at each other for a few seconds before Aegon released an exasperated sigh “If you’re not leaving then I am”

“By my guest” Jon bit out as Aegon brushed past him in direction of the door. When he heard the door slamming behind him he took hold of one the chairs in front of him and threw it against a wall “Damn it!” He shouted, completely enraged.

They all had been right, it was foolish of him to believe he was going to crack his brother. Once again he had failed.

* * *

After meeting briefly with Jon on their chambers Sansa decided to take a walk through the gardens; her mind was troubled with thoughts of Aegon and Jon’s determination to expose him, she knew her husband was angry and that he had every right to be but she also knew that if he exposed Aegon in front of the whole court something inside him would never be the same and he would resent it for the rest of his life.

After a while of wandering alone with her thoughts she saw Aegon sitting down in the bench where they had their talk a few days ago. His eyes were trained on the sea before him and there was an edge of sadness on his eyes that made her heart clench in her chest.

“Have you come to interrogate me too?” He murmured the minute he sensed her beside him.

Sansa smiled sadly “No, of course not” She sat next to him and felt him stiffening at their closeness.

“He’s right you know, I am lying” He whispered and Sansa nodded quietly, she had known he was lying but didn’t expect for him to confess to her of all people.

“Why?”

He sighed and trained his violet eyes on her “Because I was young and stupid… and I made lots of mistakes. I can see that now” His expression was regretful and it made an overwhelming sadness invade her.

Sansa stretched her hand to his where it was resting on his knee and gave it a gentle squeeze “You want to talk about it?”

“I met her five weeks before I disappeared… she was perfect” His voice was low and there was an edge of melancholy in it “Long brown hair that glinted in the sun, eyes as green as the sea and her skin seemed to be hinted with gold streaks” His lips widened into a smile and his eyes acquired the faraway look of someone who’s remembering good times “But despite her beauty it was her spirit was enchanted me”

“How so?” Sansa asked encouragingly

His eyes moved back to her “She was fierce and brave, she didn’t cared about anything… she was free”

“And you weren’t” Sansa stated sadly

“Things were expected from me from a young age, I was never free to do the things I wanted and when I was with her I felt like anything was possible so when she suggested we should ran away… I agreed”

A frown marred Sansa’s perfect skin as she tried to understand why he would harm so many people that loved him in the process “But why fake your death?”

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand strongly “I was a coward… and  I believe a part of me wanted to hurt my father”

“Why?”

His expression transformed from a sorrowful one to a resentful “For loving him more”

Sansa shook her head disapprovingly “You know that is not true”

He scowled “Isn’t it? It’s always been different with Jon… he loves his mother in a way he never loved mine…” There was no denying the resentment and anger on his voice and it saddened Sansa to think that there might not be a way to repair Jon and Aegon’s relationship.

“Perhaps but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less” She told him softly but he didn’t answer her, instead they remained in silence until she asked her next question “What happened with her?”

His jaw clenched as he teared his gaze away from hers “We were happy for a while… until she started wanting more, things I couldn’t give her without a crown on my head… and then, I found her with someone else. An old master of Qart”

“I’m sorry” Sansa said truthfully. She could understand now the sadness that marred his face constantly for she could not imagine how her heart will break if she ever found out Jon didn’t truly love her.

Aegon’s squeezed her hand more tightly, to the point it became painful but she didn’t have the heart to tell him to let her go “I was raging, I left it all for her… all and she didn’t even care”

Sansa sighed “And you decided to come back”

He nodded “I had nothing else there and when I returned… Jon had it all” He sounded incredulous “All I had been too stupid to realize was more valuable than gold” The hand she was holding dropped hers and went to her face, caressing her cheek softly.

“It wasn’t his fault” Sansa told him softly, pulling away from his touch.

“Nothing ever is, and yet he’s always the one who get to have it all” He said while shaking his head “I couldn’t control the fire inside me, the need to have what he had and I acted foolish… I was a jerk” He admitted, she could see true regret on his eyes.

“You were” She agreed.

Aegon took a deep breath and turned to face her completely, his hand taking both of hers “I’m sorry Sansa… for trying to take you away from your children and… for the way I treated you before. You did not deserved how awful I was to you”

“No, I did not” She said with a small encouraging smile “But I forgive you Aegon because in the end you just weren’t the right one for me” Her words seemed to hurt him but he masked his expression soon enough “And I believe you and your family can still move forward. You are to be King one day…”

He looked down at their joined hands “That is the thing, I do not really wish to be” He admitted “I don’t think I would be a very good one, since I returned I’ve come to realize this isn’t my home anymore”

Sansa looked at him with a scolding expression “But your father…”

“I won’t disappear again; not without saying goodbye” He said while raising her hands to his lips “You are a good woman Sansa Stark, the best woman in the whole world” He kissed them softly before releasing them.

“Thank you” She said with a smile and remained next to him watching the sun sink into the sea.


	18. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you" -Lewis B. Smedes-

Aegon sighed deeply when he spotted his father on the gardens sitting on his favorite stone bench and with his eyes trained in the sea extending before him.  Rhaegar had always been a tacit and melancholic man yet with time that look had been erased from his face and replaced with content and pace; right at the moment the older man’s expression was more troubled and sorrowful than nothing Aegon had felt before.

A sharp pain hit him in the chest at the sight; ever since his fallout with Alexandria something has changed inside him, he was seeing things more clearly and realizing how much of a fool he had been before. With slow and measured steps he walked towards his father and only until he was sitting next to him did he dared to speak. “Jon spoke with you didn’t he?”

“He did” Rhaegar said with a nod of his head while his eyes still remained fixed on the sea “Why, son?

“I’m sorry father” Aegon said in a chocked up sob, an emotion like nothing he ever felt before was clawing at his insides “I guess I hadn’t always been the best person”

Rhaegar shook his head and finally moved his violet eyes to his son’s “I don’t believe that”

Aegon sighed sadly “I was young and foolish, I wanted to be free and I-“

“You wanted to punish me” Rhaegar said in a low whisper and Aegon felt a gash splitting open in his heart.

“I’m sorry” He said looking down, he was completely ashamed of his behavior and all the pain that he had brought into his father; he had let his anger and resentment control him during all his life and made the worst decision being lead on by those emotions “It’s just… I’ve been so angry for so long”

Rhaegar put a hand on the young man’s shoulder and gave him a regretful look “And I didn’t help you enough”

“No, don’t blame yourself father” Aegon said fiercely as he placed his hand on top of his father’s “This was all on me, I did the worst thing a person can do and now I’m paying the consequences, trust me”

A small smile seemed to play on the King’s lips as his eyes shone with a hope he hadn’t felt in a long time “I want to work with you Aegon, I want us to fix everything that broke between us. I want to help you to be a good King”

Aegon smiled sadly at his father as they both dropped their hands from the young man’s shoulder “I want that father… I want to fix us” His purple eyes stared at him apologetically “But I do not believe I’ll be a good king”

Rhaegar looked startled for a brief second before he composed his expression “Aegon… this is your heritage, it’s who you were born to be”

“No, it is not” The young man said with a shake of his head “We both know that Jon is far a better leader than me… and a better man” Aegon’s eyes shone with nothing but sincerity and for the first time in a while Rhaegar felt like there was still some chance for his children to reunite.

“Aegon…”

Aegon smiled at his father “Is all right father, I’m trying to let everything behind… I’ve realized how much harm I’ve been doing to myself while carrying all those grudges”

For so long he had resented Jon and the thigh bond he seemed to have with their father and his mother; in his eyes, his younger brother had been blessed with everything while he had nothing, how foolish he had been at not realizing all that time he was far richer than he believed to be.

Rhaegar gave him a proud look; he knew that his son had done was wrong but how could a father refuse forgiveness to one of his own? Especially when his own decisions had brought so much pain to so many people before “You have the power to be a great man too Aegon”

Aegon nodded, optimist reflected on his every feature “I believe that… and I’ll work on it”

“Good, that is good” Aegon said in a voice filled with emotion before throwing his arms towards his older son and bringing him towards his body “I love you son”

A sob broke out of Aegon’s face as he clutched his father’s body to his own and let the tears he had stored for so long to finally fall “I love you too father, please forgive me”

Rhaegar rubbed his hand down his son’s back as he let him cry on his arms, like he had done so long ago when he was only a child “There’s nothing to forgive”

It was then that old resentments and grudges seemed to start evaporating from the walls of the castle; it was time for a new era to rise and this time it was going to shine brighter than ever.

***

After the most heartfelt talk he ever had with his father, Aegon stood up and went in direction of his little brother. The young prince knew that the changes in himself weren’t going to happen from one day to another but he wanted to try, he wanted to fix everything he had messed up by letting his emotions and resentments rule over him.

Jon was sitting down on his favorite spot of the library; a book was on his hand and a frown on his forehead as he read. Watching him now Aegon could see traces of little boy Jon used to be, back before he allowed silly grudges to tarnish his love for his brother, though he couldn’t deny that a part of himself resented Jon from the moment he was born.

“Are you planning on saying anything or you’re just going to stand there?” Jon asked without moving his eyes away from the book.

Aegon sighed “I spoke with father”

Jon nodded as he closed the book on his hands “Good” His hazel eyes rose to meet the purple ones of his brother “I’m guessing you actually managed to convince him it was all a mistake and how much you are sorry”

Aegon had to bit back a smile at the venom on Jon’s voice, most people saw his brother as a kind and docile man but he knew of the fire that lurked beneath his easy going exterior “No in fact, I didn’t” He answered as he pulled out a chair and sat next to him “I came clean about everything and yes I said I was sorry but only because I truly mean it”

Jon rolled his eyes “How convenient”

“You have absolutely no reason to believe me and I don’t blame you. I also don’t expect for us to be the best friends right at the moment but I do want to apologize Jon” Aegon leaned back on his chair while Jon stared at him with unflinching eyes “I am sorry for being a lousy brother all this time, I am sorry for being awful to Sansa during the time we were together and I’m sorry for trying to take your family away”

Jon sighed as he rubbed at his temples “And saying your sorry is supposed to make everything right?”

Aegon stared sadly at him “No it isn’t. But it’s a first step” The older prince took a deep breath “I truly regret all the decisions I made Jon, now I can see I was acting on spite and jealousy”

Jon blinked his surprise away “Jealousy?  Why in the world were you supposed to feel jealousy” True contempt laced his words and Aegon wondered briefly if perhaps he had managed to ruin the relationship with his brother completely.

“Of you, you have always been everything I am not” Aegon answered honestly “I always resented you for it and those feelings made me do really stupid things, so I’m truly sorry little brother”

Jon stared at him unable to form a sentence, his eyes seemed to have softened and his body was no longer coiled up tight.

“Furthermore I want to let you know I will abdicate to the throne”

Jon’s eye brows raised to his hairline “What?”

“You were always going to be a better king than I, sparrow” The hint of a smile appeared on Aegon’s lips as he spoke the last word “This is your Kingdom, always has been” Jon still stared at him dumbfounded as he stood up and went to kiss his forehead “I am truly sorry” With a final clap on his shoulders the silver haired man turned around and walked out of the door.

Jon remained sitting down, unable to fully understand what had happened between them and not knowing that would be the last time he was going to see his brother in a long while.

***

Sansa’s head was resting against his naked chest as he traced patterns on the naked skin of her back, their legs were tangled underneath she sheets and their bodies were still cooling down from their lovemaking.

“Did he really say that?” Sansa asked after giving a bit of thought to the words her husband had whispered only seconds ago.

He nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead “I was as baffled as you” He whispered. Sansa snuggled even more into him and pressed a kiss to his naked chest “So it appears I will still be king”

Sansa sighed in something akin to disappointment “And you’ll be a wonderful king”

Jon chuckled “But?”

A soft smile appeared on her lips “No buts… it’s just that I liked our quiet life in Dragonstone and now we’ll have to remain here forever” His hold on her body tightened as he heard her words and she relished on the feel of being cared for, sometimes it seemed amazing to her to think that there was a time when she saw Jon as nothing but her cousin, now she couldn’t think of what her life might had been without finding him.

“Father is no dead yet Sansa” He said softly

She nodded against his chest “You’re right, let’s not worry about it”

Jon smiled and kissed her forehead softly “I love you, you know that?”

Sansa smiled as she raised her face slightly so she could stare into his eyes “I do, but it’s nice to hear it sometimes” Her left hand went to his cheek and cupped it softly “I love you my darling”

Jon sighed contently as he closed his eyes allowed himself to be petted by his wife “I sometimes still believe this is a dream and that I’ll wake up eventually”

He heard Sansa chuckling before he felt her right hand taking hold of his manhood underneath the sheets “Well it is no dream darling, we are both very real” A shot of pleasure ran through his body as he felt himself getting hard once again under her touch.

His eyes opened to find her blue eye shinning with mischief as her hands worked him up and down “Aye, we are” He whispered darkly before he rolled them over and found his spot between her legs.

Nails scratched and teeth bit as he moved inside her, their bodies reaching new highs with every thrust of his hips on hers. The love they had for each other was present in every touch, every kiss and every word they whispered as their bodies worked together one more time.

As they would for many more years to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitly not my best work so I'm sorry for it, I promise you the next one will be better. By the way we only have one more chapter left, so thank you so much for reading this.


	19. To love another person is to see the face of God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'And remember, the truth that once was spoken: To love another person is to see the face of God."

Sansa Stark’s lips widened into a gentle smile as she watched the steady rise and fall of her baby’s chest; her blonde lashes fluttered as her eyes twitched behind closed eyelids, she hoped her little girl was dreaming of castles and princesses, the good and bright things she used to dream about when she was a little girl.

“I think it’s time for you to come to bed my love” The soft murmur of her husband’s voice was followed by his arms wrapping around her waist. She heard his sharp intake of breath as his head dropped into her shoulder and he pared down on their daughter “She’s a vision, isn’t she?”

“Yes she is” Sansa answered with a smile. Their loving Alyssa had arrived nearly a year after the whole ordeal with Jon’s brother, the news of Sansa’s pregnancy had been a balm to heal the Kingdom and their family after Aegon departed once again and now two years later she continued to charm the people with her smiles and twinkling blue eyes.

“Come to bed my love” Jon pressed a kiss to her neck and pulled her by the hand “Tomorrow will be a long day” He said with an over dramatic sigh and Sansa couldn’t help the chuckle that left her lips at it.

“You know you were counting the days until her arrival” She said while she allowed her husband to drag her away from their youngest daughter chambers. Jon’s sister Rhaennys was scheduled to arrive tomorrow with her children, after long months of not seeing her Jon had been ecstatic when the news of her visit came to him.

“Perhaps but now I’m having seconds thoughts” He clicked shut the door behind them and pressed her slender body against one of the walls of the hallway “Less time for us to be alone”

Sansa’s lips quirked into a smirk as she ran her hands through his messy curls “I know you’ll always be able to find time for us” She leaned down to tease his lips but moved away in the last minute and took off towards their own chambers.

Jon growled low on his throat “I will make you pay for that sweetling”

Sansa laughed carelessly, grateful that no one was awake at that time of the night. Though Jon was now officially Rhaegar’s successor on the throne they had asked for a chance to move back to Dragonstone until Jon’s time neared and Rhaegar had agreed to grant them a couple of years.

“I don’t think I’ll mind very much” Sansa shouted back at her husband as her hands found the doorknob and pulled open the big mahogany doors just in time because her husband reached her and gripped her by the waist.

“You are a naughty girl aren’t you sweet girl?” He whispered on her ear, making her whole body tremble with anticipation. The door closed behind them as he pushed her towards their bed; fabric was ripped from their bodies, lips found each other in the darkness and hands touched every expanse of exposed skin they could find. They tumbled into bed in a mess of limbs and eager movements; it didn’t matter that they had been married for so long now, whenever the doors of their chambers closed Jon and Sansa gave into the fire burning between them as it was the first time.

Afterwards, when the need was quenched and their breathings had slowed down to normal, she rested across his chest while his hands busied themselves moving up and down her naked back “I received a letter from Dany today” He commented.

“What did she say?” Sansa asked lowly, her mind already debating between consciousness and unconsciousness.

“They have complete control of Meeren now but I don’t think they’ll stop there” He said softly and felt her smiling against his chest.

“Of course not, those two are going to form their own Kingdom, you’ll see” She snuggled even more into his body and he let out a content sigh at having her warm body so close to his.

After deciding King’s Landing wasn’t the right place for him Aegon had sailed away with Daenerys, who was also feeling claustrophobic between the walls of the Red Keep, and they had spent the last months conquering the free cities and freeing slaves; Jon was glad to know his brother was finally doing something that made him feel happy and he hoped that someday in the future their paths could meet again.

“Yes, they will” He told her and got only a low murmur in response. He chuckled and draped the comforter around their bodies for the temperature was getting low and he did not wish his beautiful wife to suffer from the cold.

“I love you Sansa” He whispered into the dark night even though he knew she no longer could hear him but to his surprise she planted a soft kiss into his chest and whispered back his words before settling her face in the crook of his neck and drifting away to the land of dreams.

He sighed contently and let himself fall asleep with the happy knowledge that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore.

***

A frown of concentration marred the young woman’s forehead as she moved her pieces strategically to defeat her younger brother, the beginnings of a smile started forming on her lips as she took her most important piece and finished the game “I won again”

“Damn it” Jon muttered as he stared at the chess board in utter defeat. He slumped back on his chair and rolled his eyes at the triumphant smirk on his sister’s face.

Rhaneys laughed “Don’t be a sore loser brother”

Jon shook his head as he started putting away the pieces of the game “You know I am not”

“Yes I know” She sighed contently as leaned back on the chair and trained her eyes outside the window, where the endless sea stretched before them.

“What’s going on with you, sister?” Jon asked with true curiosity as he regarded his sister. Months had gone by since the last time he saw her, he was meant to see changes in her but as he stared at her he realized it was more than just changes, it was joy. For the first time in so long he was seeing his loved sister truly happy.

“What do you mean?” She asked while trying to conceal the smile on her lips.

“There’s a twinkle in your eyes” He said softly “Something good is happening”

Her lashed lowered in fake modesty “I met someone”

Jon froze for a second before speaking “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard right, I met someone” Her dark eyes twinkled in delight as her mind seemed to be lost in remembrances “His name is Jossias and…” She took a deep breath before speaking again “…he’s a servant at Highgarden”

Jon’s eyes softened as concern clouded them “Rhy…”

“Before you say anything… Loras is aware of it and encourages it”

“What?”

“We both know that my husband and I are not compatible” She said with a chuckle and look that said much more than words could ever do “But he is a great man and he loves me as much as I love him, we have three children together Jon and he wants me to be happy as I cannot be it with him”

Jon was silent for a few minutes, his mind trying to comprehend the arrangement his sister and her husband had and wondering how it was possible for her to live happy like that “So he is allowing you to keep a lover?”

She nodded “Yes he is and Jossias makes me very happy brother”

“He loves you?” He asked cautiously because he knew how awful people could come to be and the last thing he wanted was for his sister to suffer more than she already had.

“He does” She said with a smile “And I’ve never been happier”

“Well then I’m glad” He said as he stretched his hand and grasped her lovingly; her eyes giving him the only answer he needed. “I am very glad for you”

“Thank you Jon” She said, unable to conceal the joy that radiated from her “Life turned out good right?”

He chuckled, his mind taking him back to that day so many moons ago when he thought everything in the world was lost to him “Aye it did”

 

***

“Lift up your elbow a bit more Robb” Jon instructed to his son as he watched him sparring against his cousin intently. Rhaenys’s two boys and his older son had been training every day since they arrived to visit and today was Jon’s time to oversee their improvement. On the other side of the courtyard his youngest son and daughter were playing around with his youngest nephew while Rhaenys strolled around with Jon and Sansa’s Alyssa in arms.

It was a pretty picture and sometimes he could hardly believe it was his own life he was staring at.

“What is on your mind my darling” The soft voice of his wife made him turn his head to the side and realize she had taken a seat on the bench next to him. His lips widened into a smile as she raised her hand and moved a stray curl out of his forehead “You appear to be in high spirits today”

He gave her a cheeky grin “I’m always in high spirits when you’re around sweetling” His arms extended of its own accord and pulled her slender body towards his “I was just thinking about how wonderful out life is”

Sansa cooed happily as she snuggled into his warm embrace “It is, isn’t?” She sighed before raising her face and placing a soft kiss into his neck “I’m glad it was you” She whispered and didn’t even need to explain what she meant because he knew it all too well.

“I’m glad too” He kissed her forehead as their eyes went back to the scene developing in the courtyard.

Without knowing how he had gained everything he ever desired.

Life was good indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end guys! I'm so sorry for taking this long to update but you know how crazy it can get during the holidays. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and once again thanks for reading! Hope you like it.


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